Are we ever too old to crush? My answer to that is no. I have monthly, weekly maybe even daily crushes. It could be that I am super moody or I just lose interest. No matter how long the crushes last, they are still fun. It's even better when you kind of have a feeling that the person you are crushing on might be crushing on you. I never know this though. Funny thing, I know when someone is NOT interested lol but when they are into me, I am completely dunce. I guess I think that men have hidden agendas and are always plotting for the kitty. Not that there is anything wrong with that of course, but I know that I have more to offer than that. I didn't need a book to tell me that.
It's nice to see someone that you find attractive and fantasize about what could be. I'd say that most of my admiring/crushing is done from afar. I said it before and I will say it again, I can be shy ESPECIALLY when it comes to men that I don't know. For my friends that read this, HUSH, I am shy dammit! There was a time when I wasn't always so shy, but after being stung by rejection one too many times, it's hard to just open up and just let my true feelings be known. Rejection is a mother.
Just recently I was crushing but didn't know it until we hugged. You might be saying to yourself that must've been one hell of a hug. Nope it wasn't, but sometimes it's just like that. An unexplainable feeling. He would have been a nice addition, but that feeling lasted for a couple of days unfortunately. It happens. Crushing ain't easy but it sure is fun and safe :)
Why don't you have a man? I wish that I had the answer. I get this question from select friends but mainly my mother. They say but you cook, you clean, you look ____ (good, sexy, thick, etc). There must be something wrong with...gasp, you! Well I don't know about that. I admit that I am picky and I have a way about me, but name me ONE person that doesn't. I don't shoot down guys for the hell of it, I just don't meet guys that I like. I'll be honest, I haven't met a guy that made me actually like them in a long time. Guys that I might have had feelings for in the past weren't for me and most of those feelings were carnal and not from the heart. I guess once you reach a certain age people want to marry you off. Now don't get me wrong, I'd love to be married. I won't lie and say that I don't fantasize about it, but it's hard not to when they have a wedding channel and a day designated for weddings on other channels. It's everywhere. I like to say that I watch because I love weddings and would like to plan them eventually (still waiting for one of the bff's to set the date *ahem*). Even though I like the shows for the planning aspect, the little girl in me wants the wedding, but that husband, is hard to find.
They say when you stop looking for your keys, you find them. I won't say that I am on an active man hunt even though for Halloween, my costume's first name was "Winter Boo Hunter" but that was just for shits and giggles (but if it happened, hey lol). I do keep my eyes open though. When my mother hits me with the "so what's the boyfriend situation looking like" I try not to get a tude. It's not like I am shutting dudes down all the time. I hardly meet any to shut down. This is a conversation that I don't like to have because I have to really think about it. And I never have a straight answer. It came to a point when she almost dared to ask about my umm preference because she just doesn't understand why I don't have a man. She's a mom and she wants the best for me and I understand that. She's not in a rush to be a grandma but I'm sure that she'd be happy to be one. She doesn't want me to settle either and I am adamant on my no children before marriage stance. I do not want to have a child out of wedlock and thank the heavens I haven't been in that situation ever (knocking on wood now). The funny thing about the conversations with my mom is she always says "well you are a good looking girl, you must be doing something." Well maybe I am. What I don't know. I'm not so picky that I would diss a dude because his sneakers are whack. I have a simple set of qualifications that has been shortened down due to what's going on in my life and in the world. I'm still not going to settle. Just because someone pays me a little attention doesn't mean that I am just going to jump up and get "wifed" up. When that happens...I don't even know. It's been a long, long time since I have had a serious boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. Not for lack of trying of course, but it just wasn't meant to be with them.
The last couple of guys that I've met were young (not just younger than me, but YOUNG). I admit that my look might give guys the impression that I am young also (god bless those genes lol). I get hit on by 19-22 years olds most of the time, it could be that I am most comfortable in jeans and leggings and flats on a daily basis. Granted when I go out, I do put effort into my appearance, but I think that scares the guys away. I'd like to think that when I go out I look presentable maybe even delectable (toot toot). And you might even read that line and say "she's a little conceited," but I am not. I am the most modest person I know, with the exception of my cooking of course. I am honest with myself. No I am not a "slimmy" with hair down to the crack of my ass (naturally) but I do think that I have it going on. I don't have an air about me that scares men away, but for whatever reason they don't come hither. I even started doing that smile and hi thing. It's a rough world out there is all that I can say...well maybe not that rough. I say all this to say that, I am not rushing it, nor am I settling for the first piece of man that wants to get with me.
But shoot, I'm not a spring chicken and those baby making days are getting shorter, "I'm just sayin."
The only answer to the Why Don't You Have A Man question is I DON'T KNOW!
This November the ladies of The Diva Lounge and Suite October are joining forces for the re-launch of the Suite October website. Last month's Diva Lounge was incredible thanks to the hard work of Shayna D and the Webstars who were honored.
With each new month we gain more exposure and new attendees and I am happy to be apart of this event. If you don't know or haven't been reading this blog for a little while, The Diva Lounge is a monthly networking event for women in the entertainment business. It started as a chat between Shayna D and myself and has now grown and is recognizable to people that haven't even attended. Now, don't think that because I said that it's an event for women in the entertainment business that other women aren't invited. We welcome positive women that have made a way for themselves no matter the industry. We are building a network of powerful women who want to make lasting connections.
The event will be held at our same location in New York City, Nightingales on November 11, 2009 from 7-9 pm. We ask that you bring one(or more) savvy Diva(s) to the event. If you want to RSVP send an email to TheDivaLoungeNYC@gmail.com. We look forward to seeing you there.
While sitting on the train finishing up November's Essence (great issue, read it), my mind began to wander. This is not something new nor is it unwelcomed. As you might've read in my last blog, things have changed in my life. Instead of thinking about waking up early for work or getting the numbers ready for my boss; I am now thinking about this piece of freedom. I think about the friends that have been supportive and the ones that have been relatively MIA. I think about my business that has yet to be named and finally I think about this winter boo situation (Oh yea that is very serious). I'm ready to take the next steps for me. The right ones for me, not the ones that work best for others. I'm living my life for me and this remains a constant.
During this period of new found freedom I've been relying on my strengths. The strengths that helped me to get the job that let me go and the strengths that will allow me to start and grow a business. Many people don’t know their strengths. I’m realistic about what I can and can’t do. Admitting your weaknesses doesn’t make you a weak person it just means you have to try harder. It’s not like I woke up one day and said “Cocoa you are strong at this, that and the other.” Life has definitely taught me what my strong points are and it’s up to me to take advantage and utilize my god given skills in whatever I do. For example I am a doer (I like this word better). I’m not as organized as I’d like to be, but if I know what needs to be done, and have the means to do so, the job will be done. The first thing anyone can do is doubt themselves when things get hard or the future is foggy. I know that I’ve done that TOO many times. Doubt is the 400 lb gorilla in a special place in my brain that I have to soothe with a special banana called “I Can Do It!” It satisfies him for a moment, but then he starts up again. Doubt never leaves but it can subside if you put up your blockers. One thing that we have to do is keep telling ourselves that WE CAN DO IT! No one is going to do anything for you. I’ve relied on myself for so long and I know that I won’t let me down. When you find that the people that were once there for you when you had a job but slowly fade away because your moves don’t match their own or if your respective paths are going in different directions, you will still remain.
I will admit that this new found time has had its “boring, omg I have no one to talk to moments...” but that boring solitude helps me to get my thoughts in order. I still manage to keep my head. I’ll also add that this is also the first time that I haven't had a job since 2003 (I actually had one year to be a broke college student). Let’s see, hmmm…I got my first job when I was 16, went to the service at 17 (turned 18 in boot camp), got discharged at 18, started working at my first job again at 19, worked two jobs at 19, went to get my Associates, worked, worked, worked until 2003, got fired, started working again in 2004, worked, interned, graduated in 2006, worked two jobs off and on until 2009…Um yes a break is what was needed. I know what it is to grind and hustle (I’m from Harlem, it’s a birthright). This little time off is going to recharge my batteries. I’m not a Duracell, I can’t keep going and going aimlessly. I am learning to work smarter not harder. One thing people don’t do is take time out to just live.
The journey might be long, but I want to enjoy the sights while I can.
Thanks for reading, it’s a little long I know, thanks to that long commute from civilization to the boonies :)
Calling all Divas handling their business, we (myself and Shayna D) would like to invite you to our monthly networking event that is centered around women in the entertainment and marketing fields. We have been very blessed to get this far and we could not have done it without the help of the our very supportive attendees.
If you are in the NYC area and are serious about your business whether you are a singer, dancer, juggler, publicist, make up artist, painter, executive etc you are welcome to attend.
This month is a little special. We are giving a SHOUT OUT to four of our favorite blogs in a new series called WEB STARS!!!
Each of these ladies do something special in their given areas and we felt the need to celebrate them in the company of likeminded women.
It was September 1st, a day that I won't soon forget. I was actually early to work(before 9:30am). I even put an extra bit of care in my appearance and even wore shoes without bringing my old faithful flats (I had a meeting after work for something great). I sat at my desk and did a little dabbling online and tried to plan for the upcoming company move. Then my boss came into my office, I'd say it was about 11:30, definitely before 12pm and he asked to chat in his office. I thought it was about end of month issues. When I think back, he came in right as I was in the midst of a serious gchat conversation with one of my good friends. I was telling him that I was tired and needed a new job. He said something about hanging in there and you never know what's out there then I said sometimes you get what you wish for...
When I went to the office I saw a familiar face from HR. I didn't think much of it until I actually looked at them and soon realized what was about to go down. To say that I was shocked is an understatement. Given the nature of the economy and knowing what I knew about the previous weeks I shouldn've been as shocked but I was. The weird thing is I wasn't sad or angry. For a moment I was numb, then all of a sudden my brain was flooded with AMENs and !!!! (YES exclamation points lol). It was finally my time to do me. Being laid off is not an easy thing but you have to accept it. I took it all in stride with one small breakdown when I stepped outside of the offices for the final time. I did hold it together as I was being told the news (a couple tears did flow but no snot bubbles...that came 15 minutes later).
I felt a mix of emotions ranging from shock to relief and then came the big question, what's next? What do I do now? Do I take advantage of all this new free time and do me? Or do I go right back into the rat race and try to find another job that would eventually leave me unmotivated and unfufilled? I chose to do me until I find that job that will take me to the next level. I was very comfortable at my job and that is always a clear sign that it is time to go and look for something else. I knew that it was just a matter of time. Don't get me wrong, I really liked what I did most of the time, I liked the perks, my boss was the best boss that you could ever ask for, I didn't have a dress code and I didn't have anyone breathing down my neck about time. Many people would ask me why I was complaining since I had it "so good". From the outside looking in, I was cushy and living it up. But actually coming into the office became a bore. Clock watching sucks. I do hope that at my next job or new career path I have the same or similar perks. I actually hope that I won't need another boss for a long time...
As of now, I am focusing on my blogs, my radio show, a little acting and taking my cooking skills to the next level. The world is mine, Barack is the President and I can do what I please. I will not let anyone keep me down. It's up to me to make the moves that will get me to where I want to be.
But if you hear of anything holla at me lol :)
I am available for any hosting gigs and catering/personal chef jobs so keep me in mind for that.
Lately a couple of my favorite blogs have been talking about women smiling and saying Hi. This sounds like a fairly easy concept. I tried to put this into practice or at least I thought that I did... One night on the phone with one of my home-girls we were talking about this very thing. And my response was "I am smiling...with my eyes." You might laugh but I really thought that I was giving the eye to some unsuspecting cutie lol. She then said, "You might be thinking that you are 'smiling with your eyes' but you might very well be giving them an ice grill." We had a good laugh about that and I still crack up at the fact that all that time I was giving guys the "don't mess with me" look rather than the "come mess with me" look. You might laugh at it and I can't blame it on you because it's hilarious.
In theory the Smile and Say Hi might work for some. I think that if I were to put it into practice I might get some favorable results. But there is one thing...I am very shy when it comes to "strangers" guys that is. Some might be puzzled, because I host a radio show and I tweet nonsense and sporadically blog. But yes, Miss Cocoa Luv is shy. I'm not exactly sure why, but I guess it can be that I fear rejection...not that I'm not used to it but hell I'm tired of it. It doesn't matter if I don't see this person ever again; it still has an effect on my ego. The funny thing is I have been in situations where I have gone up to guys and introduced myself. This is of course after I've had some liquid courage. This usually happens after I think a guy has been giving me looks or if our eyes locked at one point. For some that may be an opportunity to start a conversation, but not for my punk a$$. Instead of taking advantage of the eye lock, I look elsewhere or go the opposite way. After that liquid courage though, I can walk up to someone and say, "Hi, My name is ... what's yours?" Yes, it’s very lame but what else am I supposed to say? You would think that the LC would have given me courage to further engage this young fellow in conversation, nope, instead I say, “well um yea, so what brings you here” or something along those corny lines. After that awkward (for me) exchange, I have nothing else to say. LOL.
I’d like to blame technology for messing up my flirting skills. I feel like there was once a time when I flirted with men. It’s been so long that I am starting to think that I imagined that… I know for sure that any guy that I have dated or mated with, I either worked or went to school with them so there was no awkward song and dance when we interacted. I like to think that I am pretty old fashioned when it comes to courting. But it is 2009 and I should get over it right? If I see someone that I want I should be able to say something right? I mean there is nothing like letting this happen.
What do you all think?
Oh and check out the blogs from two of my favorite bloggers:
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