Some Goodies

You know how I do, so check out the Oldies and Goodies :

Linda Clifford - Runaway Love


And I REALLY LOVE this song

Womack and Womack - Baby I'm Scared of You

Your Highness

I met him late 06. Me and my homegirl were out and about when out of nowhere some pretty ass red boy stopped, dropped to his knees and did a mock proposal to both of us. It was weird and flattering at the same time. It wasn't so much that he was attractive it was the fact that his friend was THE Foinest guy I've seen in a looooong time. So after the knee drop his friend took my cellphone and put his number in it. I didn't know what to say because I was so stunned at the act of this foine ass guy making a scene and giving me the digits. There was no conversation, just "call me." I melted.

A couple of days go by and I'm thinking "should I call or shouldn't I?" Well I did, and let me just say his voice made the girls come to attention (lol) and um drip drip. Yea it was THAT serious. He called himself "Your Highness" and at that point a sista would have bowed down on sight. Smh lol. He was 6'5" (no lie), body was that of a god or something close, A SMILE and dimples that made you melt, had a natural tan, his body was sick, not too buff, something out of a Zane book FINE. Smh at the thought. Where was I?

After about a couple of weeks of convo every now and then (didn't want to appear thirst), we still hadn't made any plans so I was thinking maybe it was a fluke. But damn if I wasn't intrigued by his sexy ass voice.

One night after resolving that him and I wouldn't be seeing each other any time soon, I went shopping. Then, I got a call and it was from him. He asked where I was and he came to scoop me. Luckily that was a day I decided to look a little cute. I had just done my BIG CHOP so my hair was in some little twist things that were VERY NEW to me, but it didn't stop my flow (he liked it anyway hehehe). This night will forever go down in my book of great first dates (if you want to call it that). Our first destination was some steak house on Park Ave S going towards Union Square. When we got out of the car, he grabbed my hand as we walked across the street (melting). We met up with a couple of his friends, had a glass of wine, had some brief chit chat then rolled out to the next spot. We ended up in the Vill to meet more of his friends. This was my first encounter with Sushi Samba (LOVE that place). At this point I was too through with everything, completely smitten and didn't know what the hell to do. I know that without trying, he could've gotten the ass that night, just because lol. When we got there, I had to escape to the bathroom, not really to use it but to call one of my girls. It was almost an S.O.S. because I was about to lose it (not a man down code 10 situation, but I was definitely in awe of it all). When I came back up I saw that he ordered for me, a shocker, but I was most certainly pleased. We tried a couple of dishes on the menu and then he did the most shocking thing of the whole night...HE FED ME! LOL. Then kissed me (sounds unreal, I know). We sat in that restaurant at the bar and kissed like lost lovers. It was like magic. By then I was tippin'. My homegirl thought I was crazy because I kept sending her text messages like I was a maniac.

After that night, I was like Ginuwine "So Anxious." At that point, I had never met a guy like that. I fell back though because I knew what I was up against. He was very busy and always out and about. I believe that this was the time when I was working on some radio stuff and working. Our paths didn't really cross too much after that first night. Then I got a call saying that he was in the area. I went down to see him and he looked good enough to eat. I knew at that point that I had to see him again. Weeks go by and after constantly missing each other, we finally caught up. He came through and we went for a drive around the city, ended up in Jerz and that's all she wrote.

I wish that I can say that he rocked my world like the Zane characters but it was just OKAY at best. Fine - yes. Body - SICK AND RIDICULOUS! Sex ... I think that with him I was so wrapped up in everything else that I just knew that he was going to put in work. Me and my homegirl joke that he would've had me butt naked in Miami with a blond wig babysitting kids (basically crazy). Needless to say that we spoke less often and eventually drifted apart. He was one of the good ones though, at the surface of course. lol.

Thanks for reading :)

New Year, New Ish

As the year quickly comes to a close, I have spent lots of time thinking and reflecting on the approaching year. I am not one for making resolutions, I just live my life the best way I know how. I keep my goals really small so that I can actually see them realized, but now it's time for me to dream big. I, like many people I know have the tendency to experience some doubt. I feel like I am my own worst critic. The crazy thing about doubt is, you're the only one impeding progress. No one else is. The obstacles that you may see, aren't really there.

Over the year I've talked about things that I've been working on, not explicitly, but I have alluded to what I want and need to do so that I can be a better person. And for the most part I've been pretty attentive to those goals. My main goal for 09 is to start and finish. Give things my all, not to say that I haven't before, I just need to make sure that I maintain my focus. Easier said than done, but I can admit that I have ADD and I change my mind or lose interest fast. I find that this is the case when I am forced to do something that my soul is not fully into. I am a very passionate person and when I am motivated, I can't be stopped (with the exception of this blog, lol). I am determined to take 09 and beyond by storm. I won't say what I am working on but it's something huge (for me it is).

In the mean time (and in between time) I thank every SINGLE person that has ever visited my blog, lurked, commented, told a friend, critiqued all that. It is much appreciated.

What are your goals for 09 and beyond? It is just the beginning for us all.

Peace and many blessings.

I'm On My Old School ish

Everyday I think of songs that I just love. Some new, many old. I love my old school. no real blog for now, but a song that I needed to hear today. Turning to Music Choice on those nights that I'm fighting sleep helps me to remember jams. This one, though is way before my time but it's a dope one nonetheless. Hand I have a bonus also.

Thanks for the love

Peace

War - Slipping Into Darkness


Faith, Hope and Charity - To Each His Own


"I don't know what's right for you, you don't know what's right for me...To Each His Own"

Long Time No See...

"So I see you have a baby and a wife now"...That's how a civilized conversation would go if you saw someone that you hadn't seen in a while. Well instead of that happening, I ducked in the corner and hoped that he wouldn't see me. This story is quick and it made me reflect a little.

You ever see someone that you have a past with and they are with their new girl, wife, baby etc? Well that's what happened this morning. I was sitting on the D train reading my book, minding my business when he gets on with his wife and baby in tow. The last time that I saw him we were almost caught getting it on. I was at his house and we were about to get down until we heard the upstairs creaking and his mom call out his name (We were in our VERY early 20's). At the time, I was crushing on this guy for a while. We worked at the same store and I thought that he had mutual feelings too. Those feelings came into fruition when we got together the first and only time...Well at least I thought the feelings were mutual. I mean he did outright say that he was feeling the kid.

Back then, there were three of us, I was the only girl. We would sit, they would puff, I would get contact...good times lol. Well one night, the third party was MIA, so me and my crush hung out. One thing led to another and so forth. After that night a sista was REALLY feeling him. We were already friends so I thought that we would have a smooth transition. While I was crushing on dude, our other friend was crushing on me. I didn't know and didn't really care because it wasn't mutual. He tried to convince me up and down that the crush didn't care and would say "F that n__" when I protested to his come ons.

That was a few years ago. One day I thought about the crush and called our friend to see how he was doing. In that conversation I found out that he was married or about to get married and leading a different path. I was stunned. I mean marriage is huge and at the time he was about 23. That was pretty much the last that I heard of him, especially since every time I speak to the friend he's trying to push up.

When I saw him on the train this morning I felt like the air was being sucked out of me (sounds dramatic right?). Usually when I bump into an old love interest or "dealer" it's pretty civilized and they are still single. This time was different. I didn't want to say anything and get dissed and then have him explain to his wife later how we knew each other. So I sunk lower in my seat and kept my head down pretending to read my book. I don't think that he saw me because I ducked as soon as he stepped on the train. To make matters worse, he ended up standing DIRECTLY in front of me (back facing me). He even grazed me kind of with his coat. I really wanted to say hi and be civil, it was a cute day afterall. But it would have been too awkward. And I do not do awkward. When my stop came, I got out of dodge quick fast, took a breath, shook my head and went downstairs to wait for the next train. And that's all she wrote... Until next time.

Thanks for reading

:)

I'm Negative

Do you know your status? I know many of you are aware that today is World AIDS Day so if you don't know your status, I suggest that you find that out quick, fast and in a hurry. If you've ever been tested then you know that the relief that you feel once you know your status is wonderful. You go in nervous, thinking about that one time you slipped up and enjoyed a night of the RAW. It happens and I will not say that I haven't succumbed to that feeling a time or two before. But I do know that when it happens, I can't look at myself in the mirror with the same eyes. I know that I put myself in danger, but at the time you don't think about it. You get hypnotized and say yes to almost anything... or maybe that's just me - unlikely.

Below is a story that I rarely tell.

The saddest thing about this disease is that it is killing people that look like me DAILY. Yes some people that are diagnosed go on to live happy and healthy lives, on the surface of course. People don't think that it can happen to them. But um, newsflash, WE ARE NOT INVINCIBLE!

The hardest thing that I had to deal with was finding out a very close relative of mine was diagnosed. This is when people thought that only gays or drug users got the disease. I was in JHS. We got a phone call that he was in the hospital. Now, he was a big man, close to 300lbs. I will never forget the day we went to the hospital to visit. They told us he had Pneumonia. When we went to see him, he wasn't even half the man that he once was. There were so many machines attached to him. I was 12 and in all those years, I never saw my mother drop to her knees in tears. It was too much for both of us. As the months progressed, he didn't get any better. My grandmother took care of him as best as he could. I even got to spend some time with him when me and my mother were going through our preteen era of "I'm not listening." I remember that because he gave me money everyday for lunch and a cab from the BX to Harlem. He was still the same and he loved Queen Latifah's "U.N.I.T.Y.". He would play it everyday and I can't hear that song without thinking of him. My mom can't hear Sade's "Maureen" without thinking of him and crying.

When we found out about the disease, I wouldn't say that we were under the mindset that Black, Heterosexual men didn't get the sickness. But we didn't think that HE would get it. Not that he was an angel. He was far from it. But he was our family. My mother told me to "Keep my legs closed" and if I did, to "WRAP it up." We had these conversations early.

Then September of the next year came. He was admitted to the hospital for the last time. He died two days before my mother's birthday. The wake was on my cousin's birthday and the funeral was on my mom's. Going to the wake, was unbearable and seeing my big and grown uncle break down in tears was too much. Gone too soon. His children would never have their dad again and would barely remember him. I will never forget him. And I will love him forever. I can barely watch movies or programs without thinking about him.

My mother's brother, my uncle. Forever missed. R.I.P. Uncle Tony.

SO go get tested. I won't quote statistics but you all know that this disease is not to be F-ed with. Be in the know.

Thanks for reading.
God bless.

For more information:
http://www.worldaidscampaign.org/static/en/
http://www.hivtest.org/
http://www.gmhc.org/
http://unite.blogcatalog.com/

For my Uncle
Queen Latifah - Unity