STOP. CLOCKING. MY. OVARIES.

Last week...
Me: Nick Ashford's funeral is gonna be at Abysinnian
Mom: I need grandkids
Me: are YOU okay?

Today after VMA's...
Me: OMG!!!! Beyonce is pregnant :) :) :)
Mom: I'm happy for them. Would be even happier if it were u...
Me: Oh Please.
Hour and a half later...
Mom: Dang...No rush..
Me: That's the second time you said it this month!!!
Mom: Oookkk. I get the message.
Me: Okay Good ;)

Before I go on, I just want to say that I love my mama, she's my favorite girl. Not sure where these preggers questions are coming from though...When it's time I just hope that she's ready to baby sit so that I can get out and dance on tables when I feel like it...

I'm 30. Single (dating). Loving my life. But for some reason outsiders (MOM, Grandmom et al) are clocking my ovaries. You might be asking, "what does clocking your ovaries mean?" Well I will tell you. Some women when they reach a certain age...hmm 30 maybe, start watching their biological clocks. I haven't gotten there yet because I AM NOT READY, I'm still selfish, I want to maintain my "girlish" figure, I am still a struggling "artist," I'm not married, I can hardly remember to feed myself, I GOT BILLS...the list goes on but I think that you get the gist of what I'm saying. Don't get me wrong, I like babies...they are cute and smell like the best things on earth. But you know when I really love them? When I can give them right back to their parents. It's all fun and games until they stay up all night and you forgot what sleep felt like or shit all over you (I have a little brother- been there). They are cute until they start talking and making demands and talking back and being sneaky and growing up (yes, I'm being dramatic).

I'm sure that when the time comes for me to have a little cocoa, caramel or cafe au lait bambino, I'll make myself ready and find a parenting bootcamp near me...wait those don't exist because if so that lace front baby wouldn't be on facebook selling psychology classes. Yes there is a lace front baby. No I won't EVER put a lacefont on my baby. I'm just saying, I'm not ready and I don't want you clocking my ovaries.

But you know who is ready? Beyonce! Congrats to her and Jay.