The Cocoa Luv Chronicles

All About Cocoa is LIVE

2011-12-06T16:38:00.000-05:00

I've been a little busy behind the scenes and I have an announcement!

The website is LIVE!!!!

As always I appreciate all of you and thanks for the continued love!

All About Cocoa

Is Anybody There?

2011-11-22T07:06:00.002-05:00

You ever just want, no NEED a break? Well that's what's been going on lately. Cocoa is tired. The "grind" is starting to take it's toll on me. I'm not the zany 20 something that I used to be, a sista got bills. But, even with all of that, I wouldn't change it for the world because 2 years ago I was unemployed and focused on getting a job in the field that I'm in and last year, I was with that company that I'm convinced tried to drive me loca. Even through my dark moments, I still feel happy with the choices that I've made.

With that said, lets play catch up shall we? I took a brief hiatus from The Home Girl Next Door so that I can get my mind right. I love the mic and that will always be home, but I needed to redirect my energies to something else so that when I come back, I'll be bigger, badder (in a good way) and stronger. They always say that if you love what you do, it will never feel like work. But even the most joyful of jobs can get tedious if there's no forward movement. Doing The Home Girl Next Door was a different experience for me because it was prerecorded. I was so used to doing a live show. Recording might seem easy because you get to do multiple takes, but honestly radio shouldn't sound like a prerecord. It should sound live and in the moment. As time progressed I realized that I was becoming, dare I say it, bored. At that moment, I knew that I needed to take a break. I started thinking about that question of the universe, "if a tree falls in a forest and no one's there to hear it, does it really make a sound?" I knew that I had a small following and Skyy is one of my biggest cheerleaders but even that wasn't enough. I didn't get into this business because I needed daily affirmations, I got into it because I wanted to share my love of music and eventually found that I had a voice and connecting with my listener was what moved me.

So here is where I am today. Making moves and living life so that I can have something to talk about. My days are filled with work and on occasion some "boolovin" (another blog, another time)...I'm also building the brand slowly but surely, contemplating a name change (conflicted because of the branding) and learning about my craft among other things.

Stay tuned for more to come. 2012 is around the corner let's make it happen.

As always, thank you for your continued support. Besos.

One of Those Days...

2011-10-03T13:20:00.001-04:00

Some days I have my moments and this show is a prime example of said moment...

Good music as a form of escapism was the theme because sometimes we need to just mentally escape. Ya Dig?

Recipe for the weekend was a farewell to meat since I'm giving it up for the month of October...boo hoo

Check it out over at Everything But Rice

Thanks so much for the continued support

Tune in Every Friday from 2-4 pm EST only on Skyy Hook Radio

Cheaters Never Prosper...Or do They?

2011-09-26T13:46:00.003-04:00

Tune in to another dose of real talk from the one and only Miss Cocoa Luv on The Home Girl Next Door. In this episode, I delve into the mind of a cheater after the news broke about Swizz Beatz and Alicia Keys. Are you always a cheater once you cheat? Should the capital C be placed on his chest? Hmmm

The recipe for the weekend is up so make sure you go to Everything But Rice.

You can always catch me on Fridays from 2-4 pm EST with a replay on Saturdays 7-9 pm EST only on Skyyhook Radio

Don't forget to follow me on Miss Cocoa Luv

The Home Girl Next Door

2011-09-15T18:23:00.002-04:00

The latest edition of The Home Girl Next Door is HERE!

It's all reality everything because I was so fed up with the "women" on Basketball Wives LA and I couldn't help but talk about them.

But don't worry, I didn't let you down, I still have the same bit of fun and chat as well as the recipe for the weekend over at Everything But Rice.

If you're on the go and want more Cocoa? There's a Skyy Hook Radio App for that, make sure you download it to your smartphone TODAY!

You can always catch me on Fridays from 2-4 only on Skyy Hook Radio with a replay on Saturdays 7-9

Check out The Cocoa Luv Chronicles

Thanks for the continued support :)

Happy Birthday King B

2011-09-06T20:16:00.003-04:00

Tune in to your weekly dose of Cocoa! It was Bey's birthday, so you know I had to celebrate the right way!

First hour was dedicated to the people who inspired King B! That's Michael, Janet, Tina, Prince and others...

You don't want to miss the special mix by the homie DJ Flyy Mommy to celebrate the life of Aaliyah another one of Bey's inspirations!

The recipe for the weekend was really simple, check it out over at Everything But Rice

Make sure you tune in EVERY Friday from 2-4 pm EST only on Skyy Hook Radio with a replay on Saturdays from 7-9 pm

Don't forget to follow me Miss Cocoa Luv

The Home Girl Next Door

2011-08-29T22:33:00.001-04:00

Your weekly dose of Cocoa is BIZACK!

I had to take a break due to work stuff, ya know Cocoa got bills :)

It's your part two of the All Michael Everything featuring a special mix by @DJFlyyMommy

Also, last week we lost a legend, Nick Ashford so I couldn't let the show go without sending him out the only way I know how. RIP

Recipe for the weekend is posted up on Everything But Rice so check that out!

Tune in EVERY Friday to The Home Girl Next Door from 2-4 pm EST only on Skyy Hook Radio with a replay on Saturdays 7-9 pm EST

MJB and Me

2011-08-29T21:14:00.004-04:00

For my annual trip, I decided to go to New Orleans for the Essence Fest. I had a really good time, but one of the best moments was going to Carol's Daughter and interviewing the Queen of Hip Hop Soul, Mary J. Blige. Yes, I'm super late with it, but what can I say lol. The fact that last year I had a falling out with the company made it SOOOO much sweeter. Look at me now...

Shout out to The Life Files for blessing me with the camera.

STOP. CLOCKING. MY. OVARIES.

2011-08-29T19:20:00.006-04:00

Last week...
Me: Nick Ashford's funeral is gonna be at Abysinnian
Mom: I need grandkids
Me: are YOU okay?

Today after VMA's...
Me: OMG!!!! Beyonce is pregnant :) :) :)
Mom: I'm happy for them. Would be even happier if it were u...
Me: Oh Please.
Hour and a half later...
Mom: Dang...No rush..
Me: That's the second time you said it this month!!!
Mom: Oookkk. I get the message.
Me: Okay Good ;)

Before I go on, I just want to say that I love my mama, she's my favorite girl. Not sure where these preggers questions are coming from though...When it's time I just hope that she's ready to baby sit so that I can get out and dance on tables when I feel like it...

I'm 30. Single (dating). Loving my life. But for some reason outsiders (MOM, Grandmom et al) are clocking my ovaries. You might be asking, "what does clocking your ovaries mean?" Well I will tell you. Some women when they reach a certain age...hmm 30 maybe, start watching their biological clocks. I haven't gotten there yet because I AM NOT READY, I'm still selfish, I want to maintain my "girlish" figure, I am still a struggling "artist," I'm not married, I can hardly remember to feed myself, I GOT BILLS...the list goes on but I think that you get the gist of what I'm saying. Don't get me wrong, I like babies...they are cute and smell like the best things on earth. But you know when I really love them? When I can give them right back to their parents. It's all fun and games until they stay up all night and you forgot what sleep felt like or shit all over you (I have a little brother- been there). They are cute until they start talking and making demands and talking back and being sneaky and growing up (yes, I'm being dramatic).

I'm sure that when the time comes for me to have a little cocoa, caramel or cafe au lait bambino, I'll make myself ready and find a parenting bootcamp near me...wait those don't exist because if so that lace front baby wouldn't be on facebook selling psychology classes. Yes there is a lace front baby. No I won't EVER put a lacefont on my baby. I'm just saying, I'm not ready and I don't want you clocking my ovaries.

But you know who is ready? Beyonce! Congrats to her and Jay.

Steve Harvey...Who Knew?

2011-08-15T21:25:00.002-04:00

Tune in to your weekly dose of Cocoa! I actually talked about Steve Harvey's book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like A Man. I mean, they are making a movie so there must be something to it.

The recipe for the weekend was really simple, check it out over at Everything But Rice

Special mix by the homie DJ Flyy Mommy

Make sure you tune in EVERY Friday from 2-4 pm EST only on Skyy Hook Radio with a replay on Saturdays from 7-9 pm

Don't forget to follow me Miss Cocoa Luv

Are You Open?

2011-08-08T06:31:00.002-04:00

So are you open? No, not excited or amped about The Home Girl Next Door...but if you are that's GREAT! But open to new ideas in dating? This show I would say is one of the best to date...I have to give a major shout out to Jill Scott for giving me the topic for this show. It spawned from her tweet about Open Relationships. Tune in to hear my take on open relationships and dating in general.

I also get into the whole idea of being "Dickmatized" - Thanks to Rob Stapleton for summarizing the thought lol (video below)

YOU DON'T WANT TO MISS IT!

Recipe for the weekend is up and I was in the mood for tacos...no surprise there because I'm always in the mood for a taco.

Thanks for the continued support!

Tune in Fridays from 2-4 pm EST and Saturdays 7-9 pm EST only on Skyy Hook Radio

(ffw to the 7:47 mark)

RIP Amy Winehouse

2011-08-04T13:46:00.002-04:00

On Saturday, July 23, 2011, the music world lost Amy Winehouse. Though troubled, it didn't take away from the mark that she left on music. Tune in to the special Friends of Cocoa Showcase farewell.

Stay tuned for the Recipe for the weekend also, I'm trying to keep it healthy this time around, you can find that over at Everything But Rice

Thanks for the continued support of The Home Girl Next Door EVERY Friday from 2-4 pm EST and Saturdays for the replay from 7-9 pm EST
Skyy Hook Radio

It's the Dirty Baby!

2011-08-04T13:22:00.002-04:00

This podcast takes you down to the dirty south. Special shout out to the Grits and Biscuits folks for the dirty south mix.

I was still on my New Orleans thing so I had to get a mix from the team. And if you've never been to a Grits and Biscuits party, you need to find yourself there. I will keep you posted for the next one.

Other things in this episode of course is the recipe for the weekend up on Everything But Rice

Make sure you check out the welcome to the Flirty Thirty blog!

As usual thanks so much for the continued support!

Tune in EVERY Friday from 2-4 pm EST and Saturdays 7-9 pm EST only on Skyy Hook Radio

The Big One

2011-07-21T22:03:00.002-04:00

Happy Birthday to me. I made it to another decade in my life. The day after I was asked, "How do you feel now that you're ...?" Well, I have to say I'm feeling good...aside from this bad week of PMS and extra emo-ness. I'm looking forward to all that awaits and from what I hear, there's a lot to experience. One of the things that I especially look forward to is saying "Trick I'm Grown, Up out my face." In not so many words of course but I'm pretty sure you get the gist. I'm on my "You Are A NON - Mutha F-in Factor" ish right now. Sometimes I just want to say that to people because I find it to be really hilarious, I just haven't found a situation that fits. To me, my birthday is like a new year. A new beginning. A benchmark if you may. January first and July 19, are my benchmarks. It's the time I take out to see where I am and where I'm going.

With this new decade, I'd like to first, experience some real life adult love. Male and female, man and woman, real mutha -f-in love. Not just that euphoric orgasmic feeling of "love" when everything is sunshine and roses in the bedroom and indifference when you're outside. I think that you know what I mean. No situationships. I'm not rushing down the aisle either, but I'd like to meet someone who I can tolerate for more than a month and one that won't make me feel like I'm losing it. Just good ol' fashioned love.

See how mature I'm getting? I want love. No LL Cool J. I'm also looking forward to my career taking off. I know that my talent will be recognized SOON. I pray on this. I'm a firm believer in putting things out in the universe and utilizing the law of attraction to receive all the blessings that will come to me.

All in all, I feel absolutely blessed to have made it this far unscathed. Blessed to have a mom who believes in me and is SUPPER supportive. I'm grateful for the family that will be there and for my friends who are wonderfully supportive and are down for the cause. Many people aren't as fortunate.

Looking forward to bigger and better things in this new year and that my health keeps up the good work lol.

The Annual Birthday Show!

2011-07-18T18:12:00.004-04:00

So they say it's your birthday!!! Yup that's right, the annual birthday show. New Home, New Time, New ERRRYTHANG!!! Make sure you check out this latest podcast as I celebrate the hits of 1981 and of course my milestone birthday :)

My brother from another mother, Sean Malcolm EIC of King Magazine blessed me with a mix and I know that you won't want to miss that so click on that button and hit PLAY!

The recipe for the weekend is up and it's a decadent treat for those who don't indulge as much as they should.

Tune in Fridays from 2-4 pm EST only on Skyy Hook Radio

Follow me on twitter @MissCocoaLuv and
Become a Fan on Facebook

Nawlin's State of Mind

2011-07-12T19:36:00.002-04:00

Just got back from New Orleans and I'm on a happy cloud. Tune in as I chat about the NO, my happy cloud and FOOD!

I also have some new music from some of my favorite artists.

Special Friends of Cocoa Showcase Birthday Celebration for our favorite Curtis "50 Cent" Jackson!

Recipe for the weekend is up and it's New Orleans inspired

Thanks as always for checking me out. Make sure you follow me on twitter, I am Miss Cocoa Luv and become a fan on Facebook, All About Cocoa

Tune in EVERY Friday from 2-4 pm EST only on Skyy Hook Radio

Don't forget, if you are on the go, there's a Skyy Hook Radio App for that!

ALL MICHAEL EVERYTHING!!!!

2011-06-27T18:27:00.002-04:00

Make sure you tune in to this special extended Friends of Cocoa Showcase as we celebrate the life of the late great Michael Jackson!

It's been 2 years since the world has lost one of the best that's ever did it.

The recipe for the weekend is up, so check out the food blog,
Everything But Rice

To catch The Home Girl Next Door don't forget to check out
Skyy Hook Radio Fridays from 2-4 pm EST

Don't forgot to follow me on twitter @MissCocoaLuv

Deal Breakers and More

2011-06-22T10:39:00.006-04:00

This week Miss Cocoa Luv talks all things DEAL BREAKERS! This all came from watching an episode of the new VH1 show Single Ladies. In one scene, Stacy Dash was in the midst of a steamy encounter with a potential suitor and when it came time for him to provide some oral delights...he backed away and said "I don't do that." Yes 2011, a grown person on TV said that he does not give oral...Make sure you click that play button and listen to me as I weigh in on that and more!

And if you want to read more about my Turn Offs, make sure you click on that link.

Also, the Friends of Cocoa Showcase celebrates the life of 2Pac. He's left an indelible mark on our culture, that is the Hip Hop culture.

Make sure you check out the recipe for the weekend as we take a culinary trip to Cuba.

Friends of Cocoa Extended

2011-06-14T19:29:00.003-04:00

Check out the latest episode of The Home Girl Next Door!

Special extended Friends Of Cocoa edition

A celebration of my favorite Gemini's Kanye West and Prince - this might have been one of my favorite shows simply because I was able to discover some hits from Prince that I never heard before and any time I can play more than one Kanye song, I'm all in!

Before I forget, if you know of any artists that you think would be a good fit for The Home Girl Next Door, send them my way. I'd love to feature a new undiscovered artist in the Friends of Cocoa segment

The recipe for the weekend has my favorite dish ribs!!!

Thanks so much for the continued support and make sure you tune in EVERY Friday from 2-4 pm EST only on Skyy Hook Radio

Black Girls Rock!

2011-06-07T14:26:00.002-04:00

Check out the latest episode of The Home Girl Next Door RIGHT HERE and Every Friday from 2-4 PM EST only on Skyy Hook Radio!!!

On the go? Well no worries because there's a Skyy Hook Radio App for that!

This week Cocoa talks about the new documentary, Dark Girl and celebrates the birthday of the late Curtis Mayfield.

The recipe for the weekend was something light and right for summer! Check it out on the food blog, Everything But Rice

As always, thanks so much for the continued love and support. :)

Cocoa's Farewell to Oprah

2011-06-01T17:20:00.005-04:00

Tune in for this special Oprah centered episode of The Home Girl Next Door.

I channeled Oprah Winfrey this time around as she bid adieu to the fans from around the world. 25 years on television is a major accomplishment and I can only pray to have a career as successful.

The honoree for The Friends Of Cocoa Showcase is none other than the God Mama Patti Labelle, she celebrated her 67th birthday on May 24.

The recipe for the weekend was a classic, Spaghetti and Meatballs.

To catch the show tune in EVERY Friday from 2-4 pm est with a re-air on Saturdays from 7-9 pm est only on SkyyHook Radio

On the Go and need that Cocoa fix? Well, there's a SkyyHook Radio App for that!

As always, thanks for the continued support. Stay blessed.

GIRLS! We Run This Motha!

2011-05-24T15:30:00.003-04:00

This episode of The Home Girl Next Door is all about the ladies because like my girl Bey Says....WE RUN THIS MOTHA!!!!

Special Happy Birthday to the ICON Janet Jackson in the second hour!

Come take a journey down south with me as we explore one of my favorite dishes, Chicken Fried Steak!

Don't forget to tune in every Friday to The Home Girl Next Door only on Skyy Hook Radio from 2-4 pm EST with a rebroadcast on Saturdays from 7-9 pm EST.

On the go? Well there's an APP for that

BONUS:

All Stevie Everything

2011-05-17T17:27:00.002-04:00

Welcome back to the site, thanks for the visit. This show includes some of my favorite Stevie Wonder songs in honor of his 61st birthday which was May 13. I would need at least a month to include all of this body of work so this is the least that I can do to celebrate a man that has brought amazing talent to our world. Many blessings to him.

The recipe for the weekend is up and posted on my other site Everything But Rice. Go over and take a look, I'll bet you your mouth will water.

Thanks again for the continued support.

For The Love of Cocoa

2011-05-10T14:57:00.002-04:00

Hey Luvers!!!

A day late, but no need to fret, here's your weekly dose of The Home Girl Next Door, make sure you tune in EVERY Friday from 2-4 pm only on Skyyhook Radio. And if you aren't already, follow me on twitter here Miss Cocoa Luv.

This episode includes a special Happy Birthday to the one and only Godfather of Soul Mr. James Brown, a happy mother's day mini dedication and of course the woes of my non existent dating life.

For the Love of Cocoa is making a return, so eligible bachelors over 25 holla at me.

The recipe for the weekend is up also, so check it out here: Everything But Rice

Dating For Dummies - a free writing exercise

2011-05-05T15:56:00.003-04:00

Sometimes I think that I need this manual. There has got to be something fundamentally wrong. Like why can't I close the deal after the "Smile and Say Hi?" I've been bold enough to actually say hello to a strange guy in the past, but then I start to jumble my words and get flustered and ultimately become speechless. #FAIL It could be that I am a little old fashioned when it comes to dating and maybe my expectations are too high. I feel like if I make that step to say hello which is SUPER HARD, then the guy, if he is interested of course, would finish the conversation and make it simple for me. I don't watch sports so if I were to say soemthing like, "well how about those Knicks," I would look crazy and uninformed. I don't play ditzy chick well.

I remember a time not so long ago when finding a nice reasonable guy wasn't in the top 5 of my to do list. I suppose talking to my mother and 13 year old brother (who wants to be an uncle) has had some sort of effect on me. I know that when the one for me comes my way then we'll live happily ever after but now that I am constantly bombarded with questions about my love life or lack thereof I can't help but think about it and talk about it for more than I care to throughout the day. I consider myself to be really patient so I will just continue to wait, but no more kissing frogs.

Another week, Another Podcast

2011-05-02T12:32:00.003-04:00

Hey Luvers!

Thank you for the continued support

Below you will find a new episode of The Home Girl Next Door

Thinking about changing the hair...AGAIN so if you have any feedback, let me know
I also chat about Obama putting an end to the birther issue...Tune in and make sure you tell a friend to tell a friend to check me out EVERY Friday from 2-4 PM est with a Re-broadcast on Saturday from 7-9 PM est

The recipe for the weekend is up on the other blog, Everything But Rice, so check it out!

Best!

THGND - There's An APP for That!

2011-04-26T10:13:00.004-04:00

Happy belated Easter! I hope that your holiday was well spent. I loafed all day so that was a WIN for me.

In any case you missed Friday's episode of The Home Girl Next Door, no need to worry, I have it posted for you below!!

Make sure you tune in EVERY Friday from 2-4 PM EST with a rebroadcast on Saturday from 7-9 PM EST only on Skyy Hook Radio...

AND...DRUM ROLL PLEASE!!!! If you are on the go like most of us, we have some good news, if you have a smart phone, there's a SkyyHook APP for all of you busy bees :)

Just click on your device and download your app...

The recipe for the weekend was Glamour's Engagement Chicken

The Home Girl Next Door

2011-04-16T09:34:00.002-04:00

Just in case you missed Friday's episode of The Home Girl Next Door, no need to worry, I've posted it below. Tell a friend to tell a friend to join the movement and to check out Skyy Hook Radio EVERY Friday from 2-4 EST.

And if you are looking for the recipe for the weekend, here it is The recipe for the weekend Shrimp Fajitas

Get it Right and Get it Tight

2011-04-14T18:20:00.004-04:00

What would I do without seeing a picture of Serena Williams to take this whole Look Better Naked thing to the next level. I was doing my usual and checking out my favorite blog The YBF and came across a picture of Serena Williams. Can I just say WHOA?!

Now, don't get me wrong, I am not trying to be a skinny minni, but DAMN. I'm not a fan of muscular shapes but I have to admit, seeing her in that suit just made me put those girl scout cookies down and start doing squats. Luckily I am still going strong with NY Lean 25 and Blogger Madness. I really feel like my goals of looking better naked will be reached especially if I stick with the program. The classes are still busting my ass and there are times when I want to just say screw it. But I can't. I don't start things that I can't finish. And now that Serena is prancing around in pink catsuits, I really need to step it all the way up. Oh and if you haven't seen the picture, just take a look. She doesn't play and neither will I from now on.

The Home Girl Next Door

2011-04-08T20:07:00.002-04:00

If you haven't heard, I have a new show on Skyyhook Radio. I've been doing this show for about two months and although it is a bit of a challenge, I'm finding new strengths and also learning more about myself as a host, producer and engineer. For those that say "Oh, I love to talk, I should do radio," here's what I have to say, "HONEYYY, you need A LOT more than that."

What I've been able to do with my shows and my blog is connect with my listeners and readers. Hence the name The Home Girl Next Door. This show is different in the sense that I am focusing more on the music, whereas The Cocoa Luv Chronicles was well, about me. But of course it woouldn't be a Cocoa Luv show if I didn't enter my "Cocoaisms' into the mix, which is unavoidable lol. Even though this show takes a lot more work than TCLC, I can't complain because if I don't do it, it won't get done. I enjoy every minute of it, even when I drag my feet when I have to go in and host, engineer, produce and edit.

I don't like to say that I'm "grinding" because, my movements are not hidden. It's an everyday process of what I'm doing so I don't need to say what's obvious. As I always say, I'm a work in progress working towards being the best that I can be. I say all this to say, get on the train now :)

Peep the latest podcast of The Home Girl Next Door which airs EVERY Friday from 2-4 EST on Skyyhook Radio with a rebroadcast on Saturday from 7-9 pm EST

Team Body and Look Better Naked

2011-04-07T14:56:00.003-04:00

Looking better naked is becoming a challenge. A good challenge but one nevertheless. Friday April 1 was the first day of the NY Lean. I tried to sike myself out by thinking, "Oh it's just 25 minutes, I can do it." I saw the video so I knew what I was getting into, but I still didn't think that it would be that intense. To make matters worse, my body was already sore from lack of sleep and dropping it like it's hot in the club the night before. My almost 30 year old legs couldn't take it. I'm out of shape and it's nothing like going to work out for the first time in a couple years to show you just how much out of shape you are :).

All in all I'm pleased and if I stick to it, I know that I will see results. Right now I am trying to narrow down a goal. I know that I will never be skinny because for one, it's not for me. Nothing against women who are thin, but I don't have a slender body type. I'd like to maintain my curves but get a little tighter in the danger areas...read: the middle section and side panels. What I find amusing is when "once upon a time" big girls lose weight and they all become a size 6. This baffles me. Sherri Sheperd and Jenifer Hudson are the two that sit at the top of that list. A size 6, really? To each her own, but I'll maintain my healthy and curvy 10 on a good day/12. A reach would be a size 8. I don't think that I've ever been a size 8 so maybe I can set that as a goal...who knows. I just know that I want to wear my single letter bras and do jumping jacks without worrying about my girls knocking me out. The simple things.

If you are interested let me know, so that we can get fit together.

BLOGGER MADNESS!!!!!!

2011-03-31T15:01:00.004-04:00

Hi Folks, I'm still alive LOL! Been a short while, but if you truly miss me you can always check me out on the foodie blog Everything But Rice and/or listen to me EVERY Friday on The Home Girl Next Door.

I bet you're wondering what's Blogger Madness? Well, I will be participating for a month long fitness regimen along with a few blogger buddies in partnership with NY Lean 25. Get excited because Team Look Better Naked is in FULL effect starting April 1, 2011. This is not just a regular ol' go to the gym in your cute outfit and barely break a sweat, this is intense training. 25 minutes might not seem like a lot of time, but from the looks of it, you'll be grateful that it is only 25 minutes lol. I am up for the challenge. Another plus to this is they give you a diet to follow as well. I am no fan of diets because they annoy me, but I am pleased to say that this diet is something that I can live with. No I can't eat burgers and fries or Popeyes, but I can live with that, especially since I've been doing well with not eating red meat and poultry during the season of Lent.

The funny thing about April 1, though is it's my best friend's BIG birthday. Which means that the amount of debauchery that will take place with libations will be limited. Yay! (sarcasm). Granted, I am super thrilled to take part in this because I've heard great things about the program and it is time for me to get it right and tight. What's also funny is, I haven't been in a gym in well over a year...yikes. Working in retail doesn't count as working out, even though I did lose a few inches from troubled areas i.e. my thighs.

Make sure you stay connected to me and follow my madness throughout the month of April because we may have something in store for you. If you aren't already, follow me on twitter here Miss Cocoa Luv. Spring is here, even though it's not acting like it. I'm already late, but I'd say better late than never. If you are my age, the time is NOW to get yourself together.

About the Trainer Robert Brace
Is a former professional dancer with over 10 years experience in the fitness industry. He created the NYLean25 system to meet the needs of results oriented, time strapped, cash conscious New Yorkers who want to get lean. NYLean25 is 25 minute, intense fat burning, interval training program that comes with a choice of three diet plans. The system is based on Olympic training interval protocol. This protocol helps you burn more calories in a shorter period of time and boosts your metabolism for up to 8 hours after your work out.

NYLean25 was launched last year and just by word of mouth they’ve grown from 1 location to 4, the newest being Harlem. So in addition to helping New Yorkers get fit, they are currently training additional trainers in the NYLean25 system in order to add more locations and class times.

About NY LEAN
NYLEAN25TM has taken interval training and made it safe, effective and convenient for you. Interval training is an exercise technique that alternates between short bursts of high intensity activity followed by short rest periods or low intensity activity. You get better results than endurance /cardio training in a fraction of the time. Your body's fat burning activity will be in an elevated state for hours after your workout. You will get lean quicker, burn fat faster, improve your heart health dramatically and increase your endurance exponentially.

Make sure you check out the website for more information NY Lean 25

Is this the end?

2011-03-03T20:05:00.003-05:00

I'm not even sure where to begin with this blog. I'm sure you're wondering what I mean from the title. Well, tonight I found out that my baby, the show that I conceived after a conversation in the Spring of 2007, The Cocoa Luv Chronicles ,is gone...for now...indefinitely. It's a bitter sweet feeling because as the saying goes and my BFF reminded me, when one door closes another one opens. Part of me wants to cry and spaz, but mainly the feeling that I have is bittersweet. And it just so happens to be day 3 of my Soul Detox which basically is the gift of RELEASE. Oh the irony. As of now, I'm not sure if or when the show will start again, BUT that doesn't mean you can't hear me ever again, because I do have another show, The Home Girl Next Door which airs Fridays from 2-4 on Skyyhook Radio.

This has been a wonderful journey. I love this show and I love all of the people who've been supportive along the way.

First I'd like to thank ALL of the listeners, callers, facebook commenters and twitter retweeters.

Definitely want to give a MAJOR shoutout to my boy, the homie Mike Brown the Remix. He is Awesome and I'm glad that he was my partner on this journey.

There have been so many guests so I'll just list them:
DJ Profile aka Sean Malcolm EIC of King Magazine
DJ Coby
DJ Perx
DJ Get on Up
Akil
Daniella Cobb
Shakai
Tamara
Ty
Kimberly Riley FSL Cosmetics
The Glamazons
Kel Spencer
Donn T
Eb the Celeb
Kid Fury
Stuff Black People Hate
Blogxilla
Stuff Educated Black People Like
Damien Lemon
Dave Lester
Omar Thompson
Simeon Goodson
Steff Nasty
Lydia Caesar
Jourdan Cha'taun
Bonsu Thompson
Anslem Samuel
Heather Von B
Miss Mimi
Flyness
F Mos
Ash Cash
Troy Ave
Shoota
Sister Toldja
Veranda Baker
Thembisa Mshaka
No Pounds Entertainment

I'm sure there's many more and my apologies for not listing. But just because you aren't listed, doesn't mean that you didn't make an impact.

Besos!

The Soul Detox

2011-03-01T16:31:00.003-05:00

"I am worthy of living my heart's desires."

Today is the first day of the rest of my life...or at least the first day that I start a new detox. A detox that doesn't involve starving myself. By the way, the master cleanse was a waste of time for me. All I did was think about food and my next meal lol. I didn't lose any weight, BUT it did give me a valuable lesson; with the right focus, I can do ANYTHING!

Now that I'm getting older and facing a milestone birthday, I am on a constant quest for knowledge. Not externally, but internally. It's more about learning and loving myself more. With the Soul Detox, I hope to gain a better grasp of the person behind the personality. I found out about this detox through my good friend Shayna D and decided that this would be a great opportunity to get to know me again. I'm constantly on the go and honestly, if I wasn't editing a show I'd probably be on the move, in the studio, cooking or in the bed. However, during this process I will devote some time to update you on my progress.

Today is day one and with it comes the gift of Desire. My responsibility for today is to focus on what I want. It is time to get ready for a new journey. A time to let things go and live a better and happier life.

Wish me luck on this journey.

Mind Over Matter

2011-02-12T08:54:00.003-05:00

While in my birthday suit, I looked in the mirror and grabbed my tummy. It wasn't a pleasant feeling to see that there was more than a handful to grab. No it's not hanging over my jeans and yes I was beyond bloated. But still, I wasn't feeling that at all. How could I be on the Look Better Naked plan if I have tummy rolls? Not a good look.

So I decided to join my friend on the Master Cleanse. Let me just say this. I am NOT a fan of fasting or dieting. This is the diet that Beyonce did to lose 20lbs for her role in Dreamgirls. When I first heard of the diet, I said HELL NO. Why would I purposely NOT eat for more than a day? I suppose if you have a goal in mind, it helps to keep you focused. Besides, I've gone for a day without eating, not because I was fasting, but because I didn't think about it or I was too busy or I had cramps and no appetite. It has happened. But I think that when you say "I'm starting a fast," automatically your body goes into panic mode and all you can think about is eating. The first day of the fast, I woke up STARVING. I didn't ease my way into the fast. I figured that this would be the start of something fresh and new. So the day/night before, I ate steak, ravioli and spinach. I needed to rack up on the iron mainly because I'm anemic and knew that I wouldn't be getting the vitamins that I needed in this process but also because I'm greedy lol.

The trick to starting a cleanse, is just doing it. I know that for me, I can say "Oh, I'll start Sunday since it's the beginning of the week," or "Damn, this week is not good, I have too many things going on." This time around, I didn't let any of that get in the way of me starting this cleanse. Having a buddy do it with me didn't hurt either. Whenever you go through a fast you need to have support. Preferably, someone who is doing it with you or who has done it in the past to keep you motivated. They will understand why you are doing it and won't ask silly questions or say anything remotely close to "you're crazy." Trust me; no one wants to hear that. It's hard enough as it is having to endure the process, but hearing other's feedback while hungry will DEFINITELY start an argument or give you a 'tude...or maybe that's just me. Sometimes you'll have people try to talk you into eating, but you have to remain steadfast because you know that you have a goal that you are trying to reach. For this alone, I am disciplined...other things not so much, but I like having this focus. And when I say disciplined, I'm not lying (I did have a couple almonds yesterday). The second day of the fast, I went to support a friend at a Cuban restaurant. I LOVE Cuban food. I sat there, while people ate the best smelling food. I didn't have anything but my water with lemon (ran out of my mixture) and some green tea (a "treat"). Then afterwards, I went to a bar with friends and sat with my water while they drank. DISCIPLINE.

When it's all said and done, I'll feel better knowing that I actually did it. I made it through three days and this is the forth. My initial goal was three days, but I think that I'm used to the process. Another trick that works for me is taking my behind to sleep when I get hungry. You may think that's funny, but I tell you a nap goes a long way. It's not like you have energy to do much of anything else anyway. Another option is keeping yourself busy. The other day I ran out of my mixture and I didn't realize that I was hungry or anything because my focus was elsewhere. It really is mind over matter.

Today I will do the Salt Water Flush. This is probably the worst part of the process. What I'm about to mention may be TMI, but this step is important. Just think about it though, if you haven't eaten for a few days you might not have had a "movement," how do you think it will happen? That's all I'll say about that. I'm not looking forward to it. The good thing is I've drank salt water before. It helps when you are drunk and need to throw up (shout out to my bff for force feeding me that concoction on more than one occasion).

Sunday will be the official last day of the cleanse and I'll probably do another salt water flush during the week. Monday starts the new week for me and I have to ease my way in to eating food. I already have a list and it doesn't include anything heavy. I am dying for a salad, so that will be my first meal post fast. I can hardly wait.

Operation: Look BETTER Naked

2011-02-02T19:46:00.003-05:00

This year I am facing a milestone birthday. The birthday that makes me officially an adult. Yup that one. I'm staying positive about it because on most days, I don't really look it and don't really act it. No I'm not childish and immature, but I try to stay youthful. But that's not what this blog is about.

Looking BETTER naked is something that I think about daily. I like being naked when I'm home which is why I love living alone. Nothing like blasting music with a glass of wine dancing in a circle in your birthday suit. Too much?

As of late, I've been looking in the mirror a little longer than usual. I'm pleased with what's there and haven't had any complaints...well not to my face that is lol. Even though I like what I see, I know that my metabolism will begin to slow down and it will take more effort to build muscle. So moving forward, as I eat this Grandma's cookie and sip this sugar mixed with a little coffee, I'm on a new plan. The Look BETTER Naked fitness plan. I'm not a dieter. I do not believe in restricting myself from foods that I love. I do however believe in moderation. So that means I will have a couple spoonfuls of the Haagen Dazs as opposed to the whole pint.

Another reason for this fitness plan is well I found out that the place that I'm going for my birthday getaway has a "clothing optional" beach...yea um that's a NUDE Beach! No one goes to a clothing optional beach just to sit there in a mumu... well maybe some do, but for the sake of this blog, I'm going to say that folks will be bucky naked. With that said, I have five months and some change to get it right and tight. Of course if there wasn't a nude beach, I'd still be just as excited about my fitness plan, but this just makes it a little bit sweeter.

Wish me luck because I will need it. And if you want to join me on my Look Better Naked plan, let me know, we can do this as a team.

Besos

A little music to get started

For the Love of Cocoa

2011-01-19T21:30:00.002-05:00

Hi, I am Cocoa and I am an internet dater. Luckily, I'm not alone. I won't hit you with the stats because well, that's not why you read the blog. Here's something funny to tell your friends, my mom thought that it would be a good idea to buy me a membership on Match.com for my birthday. There was a deal where you'd get six months free if you didn't make a match in the first six months. I opted out of that gift and told her to put the money towards acting classes. I figured that would be more useful...

Well I haven't gotten my Oscar yet, so maybe I should have taken her up on that offer. I'm pretty sure that she would do it again especially since she wants a son in law and my 13 year old brother wants a nephew...I'm surrounded by an ovary clocker and one who hears wedding bells. Of course I appreciate them for wanting me to have a family of my own and all that so right now, I'm open to the possibilities. Which is what brings me to the topic at hand, For the Love of Cocoa. Last year my co-host and I thought that it would be fun to do a dating game on my show. Something like the dating game. Well, that didn't work out. So here I am in the world of internet dating.

I saw an ad on Facebook for a site, a free site to meet "eligible" men. Plenty of Fish is the site. You know the saying, plenty of fish in the sea...yea I thought it was cute too. At first I took it as a joke. I just wanted to see what was out there. I figured, it's free, what do I have to lose? I would say that the last couple of months I've been paying CLOSE attention to the site, READ: GOING EVERYDAY...smh. So far, I've gotten a couple of bites and I'm not upset. But I wanted to make a list for MEN who are on the site who are just doing the most.

1. PLEASE PUT YOUR SHIRT ON...I may click on the page just because I see chesticles, but I really do not take you seriously.
2. Bathroom camera phone pics...Please stop, I can only think of Bishop Eddie Long now when I see them

3. Please STOP with the Zoolander poses and Vaseline lips...My "how you doin'?" defenses go ALL the way up.
4. Why do you have pics of you with other women? Where does that make sense? Are you trying to look like a playa? Crop and save!
5. PLEASE UTILIZE SPELL CHECK!!! If you have to, type your bio or the message you send me in Microsoft word. This is a must because I don't know what a Phasician's Assistance is.
6. Sending me a message that says "I want to lick you where you pee...!!!" will get you blocked.
7. IF YOU ARE MARRIED, MAN grrr, DO NOT SEND ME A MESSAGE!!! Yes you are honest, I get it, save the honesty for your WIFE.
8. READING IS FUNDAMENTAL! If I had a nickel for every dude that neglected to read my profile and decided to send me a message I'd be on a beach in Jamaica.

Le Sigh... I could go on and I'm sure that I'll have something else to add in the future, but that about sums it up.

All in all the experience has been fun and I am hopeful.

Stay blessed luvers :)

Farewell to 2010

2010-12-12T10:20:00.002-05:00

I don't know about any of you but I am ready to chuck the deuce to 2010. Yes thank God I made it through but it's time. Too much has happened in the world and in our lives. I left 2009 thinking "Oh This year was terrible! Bring on 2010" and "Let's win in 2010." And then the year came and welcomed us with a devastating hurricane in Haiti. Though it might not have effected us directly, we each know of someone who had to deal with the disaster. Teddy Pendergrass died and I still have not fully acknowledged that. Granted we are talking about two different things but how different are they?

I haven't been big on resolutions for quite some time, only because I know myself and I know that more than likely, I will not follow through on some. The new year brings a change in the thought pattern. A new hope for a new year that you pray will be successful. This year I went in ready to start anew. I was laid off from a job that in retrospect was really good. This is a testament that you don't know what you have until it's gone. I might have fooled myself into thinking that it was the best thing that happened to me because I wasn't happy nor motivated, but at least I wasn't stuggling...financially that is. Though I no longer go to bed stressed out on Sundays dreading another work week, I do look at the first of the month when the rent is due and get the shakes. Thank God I made it is the prayer that I say on a daily basis.

Though it might seem that I am sad and depressed about how the year turned out and trust me there are some days when I do get lost in my emotions, I must say that the highlight was actually finding a job that I enjoy. A job that keeps me on my toes and entertained. I wrote in my book at the beginning of the year that I want to actually get paid for working in radio. I wasn't very specific, which says to me be very specific with your prayers, hopes and dreams. I rememeber sitting in night watch service 12-31-09 and listening to the pastor saying live your life, enjoy your life do what it is that you are set forth to do...might not be exact, but that's what I got from it. Not only was I moved by the service, I happened to see someone who works in the business that I wanted to be in. He was sitting one seat away from me. I didn't realize until after the service was over and it's a good thing because I probably wouldn't have paid attention to the word. The man was Lenny Green from 98.7 Kiss (a radio station in NYC). I said to him, "Hi, I'm ____ I will be working with you really soon." I believe that if you put it in the universe, you never know what will happen. Before you ask, "well did you start working with him?" No I didn't but I felt like that was a sign, because every night before I went to sleep last year I asked for something to show that I was on the right path, I wanted a sign that said "Do Not Give Up." Seeing him was the sign that I needed. I knew what I needed to do so I got a little more focused.

For the better part of the year, I went back to an old job that I left once I got a "real job." A friend called me and wanted to bring me in since he was going to be new and the environment there was shaky. The time there was a definite wake up call and that put the fire under my ass like nothing else did. The stress and lack of money nearly sent me on a downward spiral. I didn't act out, but there was SO much drama within the store and company itself that when I left, I was EXCITED. I hated coming home and talking about this place. It was terrible. I don't do well with drama and that place was nothing but drama. However, when I was there, all of the stress of working at a job that I hated brought me back to church. Whenever I had an early shift on a Wednesday, I would go to midweek service. If I had a Sunday off, a rarity, I would go to service. I would toy with the idea of actually joining. I didn't know what would be asked of me if I did, so I was initially reluctant. In October, I made the first step and said forget it, I'm joining and went up to the front, head held high with no tears. Baptism is this week and I officially join next Sunday. I plan on going into the new year with a new outlook and embracing my spirtuality. But don't worry, I won't be converting you nor will I be on the train with the bible talking about "Jesus is coming." ;) I am still in fact just a work in progress...

Also during this time when I felt that my time at the company was coming to a close, I took a meeting with someone at Sirius. Just a lunch meeting to chat. Next thing I know I received an email from someone in programming, then a phone "interview." We scheduled to meet the following week, but on the Friday before the meeting, I got a call on my lunch break offering me the job! I was in public so I couldn't shout but I did do a happy two step. This was in August. I'm still finding my way here and working when I can. Trying to be the best that I can be at what I do. I'm in the building and I intend on staying here for as long as I can.

Hard work and prayer and everything in between will get me to where I plan to be. I was tossed a lot of lemons this year so I made lemonade and threw some in a cocktail. It hasn't been all good, but I feel blessed. I have an AWESOME Mother and a super dope network of friends. You never know who is going to be there for you when times get rough and at one moment, things got really rough. I was embarrassed about some of it, but my girls said to me, never ever feel that way because you know what "Sh*t Happens." I will forever cherish them because they saved me. My mom, who is my rock, said to me "The 20's aren't easy, and when I was your age, I had a child and myself to take care of." That gave me some more perspective and also made me extremely grateful. I couldn't imagine having a child while going through these struggles. Sometimes you have to take a step back from the situation so that you can appreciate what you do have so that you don't dwell on what you don't have.

The love department is well eh lol. Nothing more to say in that front. If you read earlier this year I did experience liking someone and to open up to them and it felt good. No it didn't work out, but it did help me to get in touch with those rarely touched emotions. I came out of my shell and it felt good. I had to take some time away from the guy because I also saw a side of me that wasn't pleasant and I needed to not be in contact with him. Now we are cool. Towards the end of the year (last month) a friend introduced me to someone...the jury is still out on what will happen with that one...The blog about him is in the blackberry, just waiting for the right time.

I wrote a lot and now it's time to say farewell. Be blessed people and please be on the look out for more things to come. Though I may not write as much as I used to, I still think about this blog daily. But who wants to read about me waking up, going to work, coming home, stealing the internet and going to sleep? Yea that's no fun lol.

Follow me on twitter @MissCocoaLuv

Besos

Internet Dating in the 2000's and Beyond

2010-10-14T16:23:00.002-04:00

Hey Cocoa Luvers, yes it's been forever and I promise to catch up with you soon, but I wanted to let you all know that The Cocoa Luv Chronicles has a special line up tonight and I wanted to let you know.

Join comedian Damien Lemon and myself as we welcome Sir Flyness as we chat about looking for love on the world wide web. You don't want to miss it.

You can check us out every Thursday from 7-8 only on WBMB 87.9 The Biz

Thanks so much for the continued love. Best

Miss Cocoa

Long Time No See

2010-07-09T03:28:00.002-04:00

Well, time certainly has flown by! I've missed the blog...let's see what's there to update you on...still working (thank the lord) still single lol, still hustling (that won't ever change). I'm still alive and have my health, that is the main thing. Follow me on Twitter if you haven't done so already, you can do that by clicking on the left hand side :)

Now, many of you who know me, know that I have a radio show, for those that don't...well now you know. You can find those to the left as well. Leave a comment and tell a friend to tell a friend and so forth. Thanks so much for the continued support. Much love. Miss Cocoa.

Kiss And Tell

2010-05-17T00:55:00.003-04:00

Long time no blog. The days have flown by. I can't believe that it's the middle of May already. This month brings something fun for Miss Cocoa Luv and I am excited, nervous, and anxious, but looking forward to it nevertheless.

This Tuesday, May 18, I will be reading for Abiola Abrams' monthly Kiss and Tell event. I'm not sure what I'll be reading just yet, so any suggestions would be nice :)

Spread the word!

So What Did I Learn?

2010-04-15T15:11:00.003-04:00

First, I just want to say thank you to all that have been keeping up. I do appreciate it.

With every experience I feel like you should take something from it. No matter what I've done in my past I have no regrets. I know now that I needed to have those moments in order to gain clarity as I get older and continue to grow as a person. Everyone is not blessed with having the ability to move on and I know sometimes I have the tendency to hold on, but we all need to take the time to evaluate and break away from situations that aren't good for us. I don't believe in regrets because when you are first faced with a situation, challenge etc whatever it is you did at the time you wanted to do it (whatever IT may be). You had a chance to say yes or no. If at the time you made that decision you can't look back and say "damn, I shouldn've done that." You had the opportunity to look at the options before you and weigh the outcome. Whatever you did has been done, there is no Hot Tub Time Machine to take you back and change history. I'm sure if there were, there'd be less people on this Earth...just saying.

With this past experience I learned or shall I say, re-learned a couple things. I'd say actually opening up and allowing myself to like someone, flaws and all was a major step. I know that I am picky and have the tendency to nitpick little things but this time I overlooked them. It felt good liking someone enough to build with rather than release with. With all these feelings though, I saw another side of me that I'm not sure that I like. For the most part I keep the "loca" under wraps and I do a very good job of it. I believe that there are levels to crazy though. I'm at the seemingly normal "emo" level, there are some people that are certifiable and need treatment, I'm not there because for one I'm too lazy to do anything out of the ordinary and I love my livelihood. This whole experience was definitely a bit much for my taste. It was too much work for just courting. Looking back, I have to wonder, if it was this much work and we weren't in a relationship, then just imagine what it would have been like if we were...I shiver at the thought.

The last lesson and one that I knew but had to take another course in is, "Technology: the gift and the curse". It's easy to chat about any and everything. There is too much freedom in that. Sometimes being online, bbming, texting, facebooking, tweeting etc. you just feel like you can say whatever you want without any regard to what may happen. I am the first person to say "never tell anyone all of anything", especially a potential lover because anything you say will be held against you in the court of love, lust and everything in between. I didn't fall victim to that, but I know that I did a whole lot of "talking" and emoting. When you have conversations face to face or even on the phone, you have the tendency to filter yourself. When you write, you filter but even if you slip up you can't say "oh, that was a Freudian slip." No backspacing things already sent into cyberspace. You mean what you say and even more so when you write. We put more thought into the written word then maybe what is spoken. As you know most folks don't think before they speak but when you write, or maybe when I write, I put more thought into it, because I need to be clear. Not just grammatically either. I use the term "Lost in Textlation" often, because people interpret things differently than what's written. This shall forever be the lesson that I learned and I hope that in my next situation, courtship, relationship etc that I talk more rather than just text/bbm all the time even though it is super convenient and minimizes the shyness.

If you stop learning you stop growing. I am the first to wave my I'M GROWN flag, but at the same time, you don't need to say it, if you act it.

Once again thank you for reading. :)

Tell a friend to tell a friend.

FIN

2010-04-14T14:11:00.003-04:00

I am finally ready to close this chapter of the tale of a like gone wrong. Thanks to those who have read and commented via the blog, Facebook and Twitter. Now the finale...

Once I started to distance myself from him, I wondered what exactly made me like him. Yes he was cute, intelligent, had a nice build etc. But what qualities did I like about him. As the days of not speaking grew I came to the conclusion that I just liked him. No rhyme or reason. And sometimes you just know. I don't think he understood nor did I think he believed my feelings were genuine because it didn't take me anytime to say what I felt.

I remember a day when I was just feeling good. He was on my mind so I hit him up and told him that I needed to take some time to not talk to him. He asked "why? we chat everyday, why would you take that from me?" Foolish of me to think that he meant that and that he wanted to continue with this friendship. Nothing changed after that though. We still would chat and flirt but I felt like something was off. My spidey senses usually steer me to thinking things that I shouldn't but sometimes you can't fight intuition.

Fast forward...things weren't going anywhere with the friendship and my hopes of it being anything more than that were fading away. In my mind and heart I felt that he met someone new and really liked her or basically that he just wasn't that into me. I can accept that if I'm told. I don't do gray areas. I just like to know. I don't want to rely on the spidey senses all the time. Shoot. All of this came to a head one night when I sent a bunch of messages to him saying that I couldn't continue being his friend knowing how I felt. I was probably being a little immature about the situation and maybe a little selfish. But why should I sit around willing and waiting for something that would probably never happen? (optimism out the window at that stage of the game) Don't get me wrong, I like having male friends, they keep me in line and let me know when I'm acting foolish. At the same time, I don't want to date them and never had an interest in doing so. After telling him this, he responds, "that's not fair. I'm not ready for more than a friendship." I understood that and told him so, but I also knew that I needed time to get over him. The quote goes, "if you keep doing the same thing over and over expecting the same results..." (you know the ending to that). He didn't get it and I still don't think that he does. I'm not in kindergarten looking for new friends. I'm grown and not into wasting time waiting for someone who isn't ready. I told him that I'd like to be patient, but what if I waited for him to come around and then he decides he's not ready to be with me. Then what? The thing is, I'd probably find that he wasn't the one for me after all. But then I faltered and kept up with whatever friendship we had left. Our daily conversations began to really suffer. I tried though and I know that I really wanted to be a grownup in this situation but I couldn't help myself. Male and female friends alike were telling me I was doing the right thing by trying to separate myself, especially since they thought that I should have stopped talking to him a month prior. I mean it's obvious given the situation that I like subjecting myself to unusual punishment (flair for drama).

The last straw came one night when we were up chatting and I said to him "I feel like my newness has worn off." He responds "what do you mean?" I say "like a toy that you've played with and don't want to play with anymore." He follows up with "but I didn't get to play with you yet." This is how our "convos" would go, bordering on the line of PG and PG -13. He then asked me a question that I still can't for the life of me understand and it was so random that I couldn't figure out if I was mad or not. I'm not going to post it, just know that you'd be taken aback if asked that by a potential. I just knew that I couldn't deal with him from that moment but the crazy thing is, I had the same question on my mind also which is why I couldn't really be upset. I don't believe in hypothetical questions in real life. I believe that those questions come from a true place where you've thought about them and then you ask to see what the reaction is just so you can say "oh, it was just a hypothetical question." Please spare me. I knew then, that I couldn't keep wasting my energy on this situation. I wanted to see where it could go but I also knew that in order to keep my sanity I had to peal the band aid off and just be done with it...

Well you know how you should always follow your first mind? I'd like to say that most times I do. I'm also a glutton for the unusual punishment so I still hung around and chatted for a couple more weeks. But my heart wasn't in it. I just couldn't let go. I knew what I had to do though. Eventually I really did rip the band aid off. I deleted him from Facebook and gasp BBM. That was the hardest thing because I knew that even if we were to become friends again, things would never be the same. I just needed time to clear my mind and get back to me. I had to redirect that energy to something positive, like stardom. If I could invest that much time into something that wasn't going anywhere, just imagine if I directed it to something that would make me some money. He didn't understand it and sometimes I don't, but I know that it was the right thing for me to do. Call it selfish and bratty but I had to make those moves. Needless to say after I deleted him, my fever for two days broke.

The End.

Tomorrow: The lessons learned from a like gone wrong.

Thanks so much for checking this out and it's a long one so I appreciate you more for even sticking around for the last piece.

Spread the word.

Besos

Cocoa Giving Lip Service - HAPPY 100

2010-04-13T11:11:00.005-04:00

Oh it's not what you think freshies :) but I was a guest on "Lip Service," Angela Yee's show on Sirius/Shade45. I'm not a stranger to the show and anytime I visit it's a blast. Shouts to My brotha from anotha, Sean Malcolm (King Magazine) aka DJ Profile who first introduced me to the team.

Though the roster has changed up a little, Lip Service still rocks out with Angela Yee and one of the coolest guys I know (I'm Serious) the homie DJ Wonder and Mz Styez, engineer extraordinaire.

Shouts to LeahMOB, Julexa and my homeboy Shootah from Byrdgang.

So without further ado, take a listen:

Part 1
Part 2

Oh and by the way this is my 100th post...FINALLY!
Thank you to everyone who has stepped across this blog. Even if you've never commented. Thanks to the readers and followers. Now let's get ready for 100 more. :)

The Final Chapter...or is it?

2010-04-09T13:39:00.003-04:00

As I sit and type this last chapter of the story, I have to think about how much of my truth I want to put out there. But, you know what, that's what this blog is about, my personal truths. Take it or leave it. Learn from it. So now on to the final chapter...

Once I told him how I felt, I figured that we could keep some sort of normalcy (normal, what's that?) At first, I'd say things were pretty cool. We would joke or half joke about just going on a getaway. Thinking back, I know that I'd throw that around mainly because he mentioned on our first outing that he was into that sort of thing. Maybe he was just humoring me, because he seemed down. We never actually went anywhere and after the mention of me liking him, those conversations ceased.

I knew that he recently (last year-not sure when) got out of a relationship and he wasn't ready to start something again so soon. I know that once a man says that he isn't ready, there is nothing that you can do to change his mind. You just fall back and explore your other options. At the time I didn't have any options that I wanted to explore. I'll be honest and say that I put all my eggs in one basket. A rookie mistake (yea rookie, because all of this was mostly new for me). I've tossed the whole liking someone around in my head and if I'm really honest with myself and about the men that I've met in my past, I can say that I was in too deep with this one. Since I had those strong feelings, I let it slip that I wanted to be with him. RED ALERT! RED ALERT! Rookie move, go straight to dating school. Who does that? Me. Even though I said these things, I never felt like I was pushing or forcing his hand. And maybe it was selfish of me to want anything more than what it was. SUE ME! I mentioned it the one time, he said he wanted to take his time, I started falling back.

Fast forward a little and there came a point when I was just fed up. We would chat everyday and then slowly but surely I would take a day to not chat to see if he would make the first contact. Yea a little game that I lost because the day after the silence I would reach out. When you do those mind games you don't hurt anyone but yourself. If you want to talk to someone, just do it. That was my mindset. But I also know when someone is just not that into me. He didn't outright say it, but I know when someone is feeling me. He was different though, because he isn't the typical thirst bucket guy that wants to get some booty. Most of our convos were PG maybe a little rated NC-17 but mostly clean. So I knew that there was something about him. No I'm not the girl that only thinks guys want to sex me. I'm not that shallow lol. It was honestly a relief. But when things started getting funky, I started distancing myself more.

Okay...I know that I said that I would finish today...but this seems to be taking a lot longer to just finish. I promise that I will have only ONE more part to knock out.

Thanks so much for the feedback. comment. tell a friend to tell a friend.

P.S. I'm writing as the memories come and editing, but I am trying to keep it in order.

What Could Have Been...

2010-04-07T22:24:00.005-04:00

I told him that I liked him, then it went down hill from there. I thought that it would be easy doing the whole honesty thing...ya know being open and making myself available to the possibilities. I thought that's what people did once they grew up and found someone that they actually liked. I was in for a rude awakening. Let me back track for a little, but before I do, just know that I will not give any identifying details about this person and I won't go too deep into this situation, but I do need to let it out. I hope that it will help me with the next prospect and help me to get some sort of "closure."

I met him through social networking, chatted for a little while, emailed etc. Lately, it's been easier to just meet people that way...welcome to 2010 Cocoa...When I wasn't working I spent a lot of time alone and social networking, not dating sites. You never know who you'll meet while just chatting about your favorite show or posting a pic of your favorite artist. Anyway, we chatted and I have to admit, I didn't see a picture of him before I knew that I was digging him. In the past I would need to see a picture or at least know how someone looks before I even began chatting, but times have changed and sometimes you just want someone to chat with, without it going anywhere. Intelligence is sexier than a muthafugga. I'm drawn to smart asses with jerk like qualities, only because I am a smart ass and can be a jerk (yes, Cocoa can be a jerk). I'm mostly a moody mofo that can be spoiled if I don't get what I want...but I digress.

When we first met, I wasn't sure what to expect. We went to eat and we didn't miss a beat. It was like we knew each other for much longer. The conversation just flowed. It was refreshing. Especially since, it had been a long time since I met someone that I just clicked with and felt a connection with. I knew right then, that I was feeling him. To top off the connection, he was cute. Not my typical cute (not sure what that is, he just wasn't lol). It was really a nice feeling. I mean, liking someone and dating is HARD work. I don't like either but I made a decision to open up. I decided that this would be the year that I find love (break out the violins). And looking back, maybe telling him most of my secrets and expressing myself so freely and telling him that I liked him might have been brought on because I am looking for love.

I knew that he wasn't ready for the big time and I probably wasn't either, but I figured if you like someone you tell them. Now I know otherwise. If I look back to when things went south I'd say maybe it was when I fessed up to those feelings. When I told him, I did say that I wasn't trying to change my Facebook status yet. It just meant that I was open to possibly building something. I needed to get it off my chest. That's me, if something is bothering me I can't just hold it in. I didn't consult friends and twitter and Facebook or Googled "How soon is too soon to tell someone you like them?" Maybe I should have...I wasn't sure what the reaction would be. The worst thing he could say is "I don't like you like that." Maybe if he would have said that, I would have been okay...His response didn't give me false hope but it sure didn't deter me.*

I think that I will leave it at here for now...Don't you just hate that?

I will post the last part Friday.

GOING HARD - A lesson

2010-02-28T10:27:00.003-05:00

Free writing...a little of what's on my mind

So you might have read in the past blog about Vulnerability that I was exploring being open, upfront and honest. Well I did that and I felt good about it...at first. I was in a happy place and the words that I expressed came from an honest and heartfelt place. No I didn't say anything crazy, I just made it known how I felt. I also disclaimed it by saying that I didn't want to change my FB relationship status...yet, I just needed to get it off my chest. The truth is the light. No harm, no foul...right. Initially it was okay. The response was at the very least unexpected but not bad. We were still getting to know each other, but I know me. If I like you, then I like you and you will know it. This is never a bad thing, but sometimes I know that I can be a bit much. I'm not into playing games and unnecessary stress. It's a waste of energy and I'd much rather just put my cards on the table and set the record straight in the beginning so that there is no confusion along the way. This makes sense...to me at least. Unlike most people, I don't have what I like to call a "median emotion." Maybe it's the Cancer (sign) in me but I'm pretty black and white. I don't do gray areas. I don't like to waste my time especially if I don't think it's worth it even though I realize that I have done and will probably continue to do it. I also say that I don't have a lot of patience but even I have to look myself square in the face and say BULLISH! I have been patient when it comes to men for a long long time. I was once so patient that I held on for a guy that wasn't "ready" for way longer then needed. I was younger then and also not ready myself. I realize now that I used that as a crutch...I'm off topic.

Back to going hard... I'm thinking that there is such a thing as being too open and welcoming. In this case I'd say that I went hard. Maybe a little too hard. Everything about this situation is different, from the way I met him, to the type of person he is, to how he looks. It was refreshing to find someone that I just clicked with and actually wanted to go to the next level with. I have male friends that I click with, but I have no interest in getting busy with them and vice versa. I was willing to see what things would be like if I just took my shield down and came out of my shell. At first it was fine. I felt like we were in the same chapter with me being a couple pages ahead...now it seems that I was mid-way and he was still in the table of contents.

I don't regret expressing myself even though I toyed with apologizing for saying what I wanted then I thought, "Wait a minute, I'm grown." Why apologize for saying what was honest? If the person can't handle it then that's not my problem. And don't get me wrong it's not that he can't handle it, he just operates completely different from what I'm used to. On the plus it's great to not have someone acting thirst for some ass, but on the negative it's like what do I do now? How patient should I be? etcetera, etcetera.

I am a passionate person and I can't help but say how I am feeling when I'm in the mood to do so. Cancers are generally private people, but when we meet someone that we feel comfortable with it doesn't take us long to open up. Now I'm back at square one. But I feel okay about it. One of my homeboys quoted to me "never make someone a priority when they are only making you an option," (something like that). And I realize that if someone is truly feeling you, words alone will not prove it. Maybe I was too aggressive, who knows but I can't blame myself. Everything happens for a reason and I always learn from my mistakes...or choices.

Once again, thanks for reading.

Here is a little background music...

Esthero - Fast Lane Live

Monday Awakening

2010-02-22T09:54:00.003-05:00

What a week it's been. It's definitely been a little trying emotionally for me but today is Monday and for whatever reason, I feel good. When I had a 9-5 I hated Mondays, but now I feel like they give me a fresh start. Anything that happened last week is in the past. I have a blog waiting to be posted, but I am not quite ready to post as yet, so right now, just take a listen to the instrumental of Love Poems by Bilal (LOVE HIM) and read the lyrics. They pretty much sum up what's on my mind, I wish that I would have paid more attention to the lyrics last week, but sometimes you hear the right things when you need to hear them.

Once again, thanks for the love.

Love Poems
As we step from across the room
Starting to ponder what we've been goin' through
What does my kiss mean to you?
Are we just friends, or is this more to you
But if we label this, just picture what we might lose, that unexpected kiss the whole feelin
that brought me to you

Meanwhile my feelings groooowwww
Groooowwww, etc.
But if we label this just picture what we might lose
That unexpected kiss that whole feelin that brought me to you

Why rush, why choose, why risk this thing, and ruin me and you
I want to love her and keep the friend, I wanna be near you and not pretend
But if we label this just picture what we might lose
That unexpected kiss the whole feelin that brought me to you

The whole thing has got me searchin....

Anti Valentine's Day Show

2010-02-11T13:48:00.003-05:00

Check out my handy work below :)

Make sure you tune in LIVE tonight from 7-8 only on www.wbmbradio.com

Special Guests Calvo Da Great will be in the building while No Pounds Entertainment records it all.

Vulnerability

2010-02-07T14:32:00.002-05:00

For many of you that have been reading my blog, you all know that I've had my share of issues with men and myself in relation to them. Well this year, I decided that it was time for me to find love. The love that makes you want to just do better. An adult, mature, grown up love. Not the lust that's mistaken for love, the real deal Holyfield...I think that you get the idea. I once wrote that I Don't Know why I was single. Well, a huge part of the reason is I am not completely comfortable with being vulnerable and putting it all out there. That could be because in all fairness, I haven't met anyone that I could just be ME with. Not in a long time at least. I don't usually let people get too close because I fear that when I truly express myself and let my feelings be known, I won't get the same in return or I will get rejected. Rejection happens no matter who you are, but just because you've been rejected one too many times and usually prepare yourself for it, it doesn't make you feel good. No one should be used to getting rejected. It's just something that happens and then you move on.

One thing that bothers me is when people say "I don't usually do this..." because most times, they did it, wrote about it, sold the story and made a movie about it which is why I don't say that. But I will say that this being vulnerable and sharing myself, being open, honest and carefree with guys is VERY new to me. I guess you can say that I have matured. Or maybe I have met someone that I feel that I can be myself with. I have no idea. All that I know is I don't mind expressing myself with this person. It doesn't feel forced. I just feel extra out there, maybe a little too open lol and a little scared yet open to the possibilities.

The fact that I have just been so free with how I feel is killing me though because I have the tendency (when I know and feel comfortable with a person) to just talk and talk and talk...Luckily I haven't been saying anything incriminating, because those sorts of things ALWAYS come back to bite you in the ass. Can't just go around telling ALL of your business, learned that the hard way. Everyone can't handle the truth. I have asked questions that I didn't want to know the answer to and got my feelings hurt. So this time around I'm going to keep certain questions to myself.

I know that it may seem that I am in something new, but don't get it twisted, I am in an early friendship, not sure where and if it's going anywhere stage, but it's a good feeling and I like it and wanted to share...sooo don't get the wrong idea. I'm not parched ;), nor am I ordering wedding invitations. And yes I needed to write that in any case the wrong eyes were to read this and start bombarding me with questions :). I'm not changing the facebook status just yet lol.

This topic is fresh on my brain and you will more than likely hear it played out this week on the special Anti Valentine's Day addition of (plug- The Cocoa Luv Chronicles airing 7-8 on www.wbmbradio.com).

Fibroids and Me

2010-01-20T22:41:00.002-05:00

Disclaimer: I don't usually go this deep into my life on here, and it may be a bit TMI, but read on, I hope that it helps. I felt the need to share with you in case you are a sufferer and don't have a clue as to what may be the problem. And this is really long just so you know lol

There have only been two times in my life when I felt like death was knocking on my door. The first time was when I had my third bout with strep throat, I went to the emergency room due to dehydration and had to stay and get my first IV. I wasn't admitted but they gave me some medication to take once I got home. When I took it I felt like my heart was going to stop. I couldn't breathe, it was really bad.

The second time was last night.

I have been a long time sufferer of bad cramps. Yes many women have bad cramps, thank Adam for that. But, it wasn't until last year when I realized that these weren't ordinary bad cramps, these were "I want to donate all my lady parts to science cramps"...No exaggeration. The pain was so bad that my trusty Aleve wouldn't work. I took more than the regular dosage and after hours I was still in pain. I knew that something was off, because I used to swear by Aleve. I figured maybe I was just immune to it, which can happen, but I soon found out that wasn't the case. In addition, I was on birth control at the time and that didn't help either. I was all messed up.

The first time that I had to stay home from work because of cramps was a turning point to say the least. It was a Thursday, I could barely move, baths weren't working, Aleve was torturing me and I woke up at 5 am to pace my apartment because nothing else worked. When it was time to get up for work, I couldn't do it, I emailed my boss then called my doctor. Now, before I called my doc, I did a little research on my own. I'm one of those people that will quickly go online to look up symptoms (not really a hyphochondriac, but I know my body very well and when something is up, I research). I always thought that I had Endometriosis and I knew that I suffered from Dysmenorrhea (in my mind I knew). By the time I went to the doctor I had a list of questions and knew my symptoms well enough to diagnose myself. I won't go into much detail there but let's say it wasn't one of my best moments. Mind you my doctor is located on Central Park West, and I live in west bubble, so getting there was a drag, but I needed to figure out what the hell the problem was. Once that was over, I took the next day off and returned to work the following Monday. I am one of those people who hated using sick days when I was actually sick lol, but I was fortunate to have them.

The next month, I felt like I was giving birth. I was at work and in the bathroom for about an hour. I went back to my office and my male coworker saw my face and asked if I was okay. I couldn't answer, I just started to cry (I never cried at work, so you can just imagine how I was feeling). I began to cry because I still didn't know. I was allowed to go home and took a bath and nearly drowned because I fell asleep in the tub. This time I knew for sure that I was not trying to take any more time off from work. But how can I say to my male boss, "hey I need two days out of the month because my cramps are kicking my ass." That wasn't going to work. My doctor then sent me for a sonogram. That's when they discovered that I had two Fibroids. I was familiar with them, but didn't know anyone that had them. So I went online and did my research. When I spoke with my doctor about my results she told me that I had a Submucosal Fibroid. Fibroids are small tumors within the uterus that can cause heavy bleeding, murderous cramps, extreme discomfort etc. I had all that and more. I was glad to finally have an answer. I hated not knowing what the hell was the matter.

Once diagnosed, I was able to find out what my options were, due to the location and size of the Fibroids, I had to be referred to a specialist. I am still in a reproductive stage in my life and I would like to have children one day, so my doctor referred me to a Reproductive Endocrinologist.
These are the doctors that women go to if they are experiencing difficulties getting pregnant. They check your fertility and make sure everything is fine for birthing healthy babies. Which means that if I want to ever have children, I need to get them removed or else it will be a hard pregnancy and I could possibly miscarry. Heavy stuff, I know. When I asked the doctor why me, his response was, most women of color have them. I already knew that because I did my homework, but what I wanted to know is why are women of color most likely to get them? No one knows apparently because he didn't have an answer and he's a smart dude (I looked at all his degrees from top schools). In the past the common procedure would be to give women a hysterectomy. That was/is NOT an option at all. Of course my conspiracy theory mind thought "that's just a way for the gov't to keep brown and black babies from being born" (yea drastic but I may be on to something). The crazy thing is I recently saw an episode of Girlfriends and that's something that Mya said after her miscarriage. Hmmm. But I digress, luckily it was 2009 and hysterectomies are not the common methods of removing Fibroids. I was scheduled to have my surgery in October of 2009, but then I was laid off September 1 and I couldn't move the date up because I had to do the prep work for the surgery which was going to take more than a month to do (they need to shrink it and stop your cycle before they operate). The irony about the situation is once I was laid off the cramps haven't been as bad...UP until last night and today. This month brought a whole new vehicle of issues, one being, nausea. GREAT!

Unfortunately, Fibroids don't just go away but I think the fact that I've been able to stay home and nurse myself without the stress of work bearing down on me helps. My mom asks how the pain is and I just tell her that not having a job helps. My doctor was concerned the last time I spoke to her, she thought that I had the surgery, but I told her what happened and she understood but still wants me to take care of it as soon as I can. So that means I need to get some health insurance soon. Last month I said that I wouldn't complain about the cramps, but this month after the 3rd day of wanting to rip my lady parts out, I had to complain and write about it. Day 4 wasn't any better, praying for a better Day 5...

Ladies my message to you is KNOW YOUR BODY. Many women don't know a lot of things that go on inside of them. I may have some hypochondriac tendencies, blame my grandma, but I know my body well enough to know when something is wrong. I'm not afraid to call my doctor or go to the emergency room if something is off. I love being healthy and finding out what the deal is before it becomes something that can't be fixed helps with my sanity. I hope that this story helps. And fellas, tell your sisters, girlfriends, wives etc. We only have one body, take care of it.

For more information on Fibroids, please go here: http://www.womenshealth.gov/faq/uterine-fibroids.cfm

I found the link to Mya's rant on Fibroids (Starts at 2:00 minute mark) - I knew I was on to something...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2010-01-02T09:01:00.002-05:00

It's 2010!! Can you believe it? They say that between the ages of 25 and 30, time flies. If that's not the truth then I don't know what is. One thing's for sure, I am grateful to have made it to see another year, through it all I have survived. It seems that most people were eager for 2009 to end. I most certainly was ready. Not that it was completely terrible, but I was over it. With all the deaths, H1N1, layoffs etc. It is time for a new year, a fresh start. I'm ready to make the moves that need to be made in this year and beyond. I haven't made resolutions in a long time, but I will make certain that I follow through with everything I set forth in doing. It's time to make the change and I am not getting any younger. I won't make any proclamations, I will just DO.

Thanks as always for your continued support. I really do appreciate it.

Many blessings

Season Finale

2009-12-27T23:46:00.002-05:00

Greetings all, on December 17, I had the last show of the year and invited some friends along. Check below for the footage. And click on the left for the podcasts. Thanks so much for your continued support.

Follow us on twitter @Eb_the_Celeb, @MissCocoaLuv, @Sean_Malcolm, @MBtheRemix

The Cocoa Luv Chronicles Season Finale
Parts 1-4

Happy Holidays

2009-12-24T02:27:00.002-05:00

Hey Folks, been a long time. If you want to keep up with me make sure you check out my foodie blog, www.EverythingButRice.blogspot.com and comment! In addition, you can check out my podcasts to the left if you haven't done so already. I tend to post on this blog mostly when something is going on in my life, but lately it's been the same thing. Bed at 5am or 11am (depending on the day), waking up, checking email, applying for jobs, tweeting, playing cafe world on Facebook (don't judge me lol it's addictive) etc. Besides it's Winter, I tend to hibernate during this time anyway. I suppose the good thing is I have been stress and drama free. WAHOO!

Anywho, I appreciate each and every person that has ever read the blog, commented, followed, retweeted, etc. etc.

For the holidays, I thought that I'd share a couple of my favorite holiday songs with you. I'm all about the soul so check out my favs below. I don't usually get into the spirit until I start cooking but you know what, let's try something new :)

Donny Hathaway - This Christmas

The Temptations - Silent Night

Jackson 5 - Give Love This Christmas Day

The Surpremes - My Favorite Things

Crushing

2009-11-07T02:38:00.002-05:00

Are we ever too old to crush? My answer to that is no. I have monthly, weekly maybe even daily crushes. It could be that I am super moody or I just lose interest. No matter how long the crushes last, they are still fun. It's even better when you kind of have a feeling that the person you are crushing on might be crushing on you. I never know this though. Funny thing, I know when someone is NOT interested lol but when they are into me, I am completely dunce. I guess I think that men have hidden agendas and are always plotting for the kitty. Not that there is anything wrong with that of course, but I know that I have more to offer than that. I didn't need a book to tell me that.

It's nice to see someone that you find attractive and fantasize about what could be. I'd say that most of my admiring/crushing is done from afar. I said it before and I will say it again, I can be shy ESPECIALLY when it comes to men that I don't know. For my friends that read this, HUSH, I am shy dammit! There was a time when I wasn't always so shy, but after being stung by rejection one too many times, it's hard to just open up and just let my true feelings be known. Rejection is a mother.

Just recently I was crushing but didn't know it until we hugged. You might be saying to yourself that must've been one hell of a hug. Nope it wasn't, but sometimes it's just like that. An unexplainable feeling. He would have been a nice addition, but that feeling lasted for a couple of days unfortunately. It happens.
Crushing ain't easy but it sure is fun and safe :)

Thanks again for reading :)

The Jetts - Crush On You

I Don't Know

2009-11-05T02:24:00.002-05:00

Why don't you have a man? I wish that I had the answer. I get this question from select friends but mainly my mother. They say but you cook, you clean, you look ____ (good, sexy, thick, etc). There must be something wrong with...gasp, you! Well I don't know about that. I admit that I am picky and I have a way about me, but name me ONE person that doesn't. I don't shoot down guys for the hell of it, I just don't meet guys that I like. I'll be honest, I haven't met a guy that made me actually like them in a long time. Guys that I might have had feelings for in the past weren't for me and most of those feelings were carnal and not from the heart. I guess once you reach a certain age people want to marry you off. Now don't get me wrong, I'd love to be married. I won't lie and say that I don't fantasize about it, but it's hard not to when they have a wedding channel and a day designated for weddings on other channels. It's everywhere. I like to say that I watch because I love weddings and would like to plan them eventually (still waiting for one of the bff's to set the date *ahem*). Even though I like the shows for the planning aspect, the little girl in me wants the wedding, but that husband, is hard to find.

They say when you stop looking for your keys, you find them. I won't say that I am on an active man hunt even though for Halloween, my costume's first name was "Winter Boo Hunter" but that was just for shits and giggles (but if it happened, hey lol). I do keep my eyes open though. When my mother hits me with the "so what's the boyfriend situation looking like" I try not to get a tude. It's not like I am shutting dudes down all the time. I hardly meet any to shut down. This is a conversation that I don't like to have because I have to really think about it. And I never have a straight answer. It came to a point when she almost dared to ask about my umm preference because she just doesn't understand why I don't have a man. She's a mom and she wants the best for me and I understand that. She's not in a rush to be a grandma but I'm sure that she'd be happy to be one. She doesn't want me to settle either and I am adamant on my no children before marriage stance. I do not want to have a child out of wedlock and thank the heavens I haven't been in that situation ever (knocking on wood now). The funny thing about the conversations with my mom is she always says "well you are a good looking girl, you must be doing something." Well maybe I am. What I don't know. I'm not so picky that I would diss a dude because his sneakers are whack. I have a simple set of qualifications that has been shortened down due to what's going on in my life and in the world. I'm still not going to settle. Just because someone pays me a little attention doesn't mean that I am just going to jump up and get "wifed" up. When that happens...I don't even know. It's been a long, long time since I have had a serious boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. Not for lack of trying of course, but it just wasn't meant to be with them.

The last couple of guys that I've met were young (not just younger than me, but YOUNG). I admit that my look might give guys the impression that I am young also (god bless those genes lol). I get hit on by 19-22 years olds most of the time, it could be that I am most comfortable in jeans and leggings and flats on a daily basis. Granted when I go out, I do put effort into my appearance, but I think that scares the guys away. I'd like to think that when I go out I look presentable maybe even delectable (toot toot). And you might even read that line and say "she's a little conceited," but I am not. I am the most modest person I know, with the exception of my cooking of course. I am honest with myself. No I am not a "slimmy" with hair down to the crack of my ass (naturally) but I do think that I have it going on. I don't have an air about me that scares men away, but for whatever reason they don't come hither. I even started doing that smile and hi thing. It's a rough world out there is all that I can say...well maybe not that rough. I say all this to say that, I am not rushing it, nor am I settling for the first piece of man that wants to get with me.

But shoot, I'm not a spring chicken and those baby making days are getting shorter, "I'm just sayin."

The only answer to the Why Don't You Have A Man question is I DON'T KNOW!

The Diva Lounge & Suite October

2009-11-02T17:18:00.004-05:00

This November the ladies of The Diva Lounge and Suite October are joining forces for the re-launch of the Suite October website. Last month's Diva Lounge was incredible thanks to the hard work of Shayna D and the Webstars who were honored.

With each new month we gain more exposure and new attendees and I am happy to be apart of this event. If you don't know or haven't been reading this blog for a little while, The Diva Lounge is a monthly networking event for women in the entertainment business. It started as a chat between Shayna D and myself and has now grown and is recognizable to people that haven't even attended. Now, don't think that because I said that it's an event for women in the entertainment business that other women aren't invited. We welcome positive women that have made a way for themselves no matter the industry. We are building a network of powerful women who want to make lasting connections.

The event will be held at our same location in New York City, Nightingales on November 11, 2009 from 7-9 pm. We ask that you bring one(or more) savvy Diva(s) to the event. If you want to RSVP send an email to TheDivaLoungeNYC@gmail.com. We look forward to seeing you there.

Stronger

2009-10-21T02:32:00.003-04:00

While sitting on the train finishing up November's Essence (great issue, read it), my mind began to wander. This is not something new nor is it unwelcomed. As you might've read in my last blog, things have changed in my life. Instead of thinking about waking up early for work or getting the numbers ready for my boss; I am now thinking about this piece of freedom. I think about the friends that have been supportive and the ones that have been relatively MIA. I think about my business that has yet to be named and finally I think about this winter boo situation (Oh yea that is very serious). I'm ready to take the next steps for me. The right ones for me, not the ones that work best for others. I'm living my life for me and this remains a constant.

During this period of new found freedom I've been relying on my strengths. The strengths that helped me to get the job that let me go and the strengths that will allow me to start and grow a business. Many people don’t know their strengths. I’m realistic about what I can and can’t do. Admitting your weaknesses doesn’t make you a weak person it just means you have to try harder. It’s not like I woke up one day and said “Cocoa you are strong at this, that and the other.” Life has definitely taught me what my strong points are and it’s up to me to take advantage and utilize my god given skills in whatever I do. For example I am a doer (I like this word better). I’m not as organized as I’d like to be, but if I know what needs to be done, and have the means to do so, the job will be done. The first thing anyone can do is doubt themselves when things get hard or the future is foggy. I know that I’ve done that TOO many times. Doubt is the 400 lb gorilla in a special place in my brain that I have to soothe with a special banana called “I Can Do It!” It satisfies him for a moment, but then he starts up again. Doubt never leaves but it can subside if you put up your blockers. One thing that we have to do is keep telling ourselves that WE CAN DO IT! No one is going to do anything for you. I’ve relied on myself for so long and I know that I won’t let me down. When you find that the people that were once there for you when you had a job but slowly fade away because your moves don’t match their own or if your respective paths are going in different directions, you will still remain.

I will admit that this new found time has had its “boring, omg I have no one to talk to moments...” but that boring solitude helps me to get my thoughts in order. I still manage to keep my head. I’ll also add that this is also the first time that I haven't had a job since 2003 (I actually had one year to be a broke college student). Let’s see, hmmm…I got my first job when I was 16, went to the service at 17 (turned 18 in boot camp), got discharged at 18, started working at my first job again at 19, worked two jobs at 19, went to get my Associates, worked, worked, worked until 2003, got fired, started working again in 2004, worked, interned, graduated in 2006, worked two jobs off and on until 2009…Um yes a break is what was needed. I know what it is to grind and hustle (I’m from Harlem, it’s a birthright). This little time off is going to recharge my batteries. I’m not a Duracell, I can’t keep going and going aimlessly. I am learning to work smarter not harder. One thing people don’t do is take time out to just live.

The journey might be long, but I want to enjoy the sights while I can.

Thanks for reading, it’s a little long I know, thanks to that long commute from civilization to the boonies :)

The Clark Sisters - Blessed And Highly Favored

The Diva Lounge

2009-10-10T02:18:00.003-04:00

Calling all Divas handling their business, we (myself and Shayna D) would like to invite you to our monthly networking event that is centered around women in the entertainment and marketing fields. We have been very blessed to get this far and we could not have done it without the help of the our very supportive attendees.

If you are in the NYC area and are serious about your business whether you are a singer, dancer, juggler, publicist, make up artist, painter, executive etc you are welcome to attend.

This month is a little special. We are giving a SHOUT OUT to four of our favorite blogs in a new series called WEB STARS!!!

Each of these ladies do something special in their given areas and we felt the need to celebrate them in the company of likeminded women.

Check them out!

Karen Civil
Music

Ms. Mo
Glamour/Beauty

Joy Daily
Lifestyle/Video
www.JoyDaily.tv

Gangstarr Girl
Hip-Hop Culture

A Brand New Me

2009-10-10T01:14:00.002-04:00

It was September 1st, a day that I won't soon forget. I was actually early to work(before 9:30am). I even put an extra bit of care in my appearance and even wore shoes without bringing my old faithful flats (I had a meeting after work for something great). I sat at my desk and did a little dabbling online and tried to plan for the upcoming company move. Then my boss came into my office, I'd say it was about 11:30, definitely before 12pm and he asked to chat in his office. I thought it was about end of month issues. When I think back, he came in right as I was in the midst of a serious gchat conversation with one of my good friends. I was telling him that I was tired and needed a new job. He said something about hanging in there and you never know what's out there then I said sometimes you get what you wish for...

When I went to the office I saw a familiar face from HR. I didn't think much of it until I actually looked at them and soon realized what was about to go down. To say that I was shocked is an understatement. Given the nature of the economy and knowing what I knew about the previous weeks I shouldn've been as shocked but I was. The weird thing is I wasn't sad or angry. For a moment I was numb, then all of a sudden my brain was flooded with AMENs and !!!! (YES exclamation points lol). It was finally my time to do me. Being laid off is not an easy thing but you have to accept it. I took it all in stride with one small breakdown when I stepped outside of the offices for the final time. I did hold it together as I was being told the news (a couple tears did flow but no snot bubbles...that came 15 minutes later).

I felt a mix of emotions ranging from shock to relief and then came the big question, what's next? What do I do now? Do I take advantage of all this new free time and do me? Or do I go right back into the rat race and try to find another job that would eventually leave me unmotivated and unfufilled? I chose to do me until I find that job that will take me to the next level. I was very comfortable at my job and that is always a clear sign that it is time to go and look for something else. I knew that it was just a matter of time. Don't get me wrong, I really liked what I did most of the time, I liked the perks, my boss was the best boss that you could ever ask for, I didn't have a dress code and I didn't have anyone breathing down my neck about time. Many people would ask me why I was complaining since I had it "so good". From the outside looking in, I was cushy and living it up. But actually coming into the office became a bore. Clock watching sucks. I do hope that at my next job or new career path I have the same or similar perks. I actually hope that I won't need another boss for a long time...

As of now, I am focusing on my blogs, my radio show, a little acting and taking my cooking skills to the next level. The world is mine, Barack is the President and I can do what I please. I will not let anyone keep me down. It's up to me to make the moves that will get me to where I want to be.

But if you hear of anything holla at me lol :)

I am available for any hosting gigs and catering/personal chef jobs so keep me in mind for that.

The world is mine :)

Smile or No...

2009-08-31T15:05:00.003-04:00

Lately a couple of my favorite blogs have been talking about women smiling and saying Hi. This sounds like a fairly easy concept. I tried to put this into practice or at least I thought that I did... One night on the phone with one of my home-girls we were talking about this very thing. And my response was "I am smiling...with my eyes." You might laugh but I really thought that I was giving the eye to some unsuspecting cutie lol. She then said, "You might be thinking that you are 'smiling with your eyes' but you might very well be giving them an ice grill." We had a good laugh about that and I still crack up at the fact that all that time I was giving guys the "don't mess with me" look rather than the "come mess with me" look. You might laugh at it and I can't blame it on you because it's hilarious.

In theory the Smile and Say Hi might work for some. I think that if I were to put it into practice I might get some favorable results. But there is one thing...I am very shy when it comes to "strangers" guys that is. Some might be puzzled, because I host a radio show and I tweet nonsense and sporadically blog. But yes, Miss Cocoa Luv is shy. I'm not exactly sure why, but I guess it can be that I fear rejection...not that I'm not used to it but hell I'm tired of it. It doesn't matter if I don't see this person ever again; it still has an effect on my ego. The funny thing is I have been in situations where I have gone up to guys and introduced myself. This is of course after I've had some liquid courage. This usually happens after I think a guy has been giving me looks or if our eyes locked at one point. For some that may be an opportunity to start a conversation, but not for my punk a$$. Instead of taking advantage of the eye lock, I look elsewhere or go the opposite way. After that liquid courage though, I can walk up to someone and say, "Hi, My name is ... what's yours?" Yes, it’s very lame but what else am I supposed to say? You would think that the LC would have given me courage to further engage this young fellow in conversation, nope, instead I say, “well um yea, so what brings you here” or something along those corny lines. After that awkward (for me) exchange, I have nothing else to say. LOL.

I’d like to blame technology for messing up my flirting skills. I feel like there was once a time when I flirted with men. It’s been so long that I am starting to think that I imagined that… I know for sure that any guy that I have dated or mated with, I either worked or went to school with them so there was no awkward song and dance when we interacted. I like to think that I am pretty old fashioned when it comes to courting. But it is 2009 and I should get over it right? If I see someone that I want I should be able to say something right? I mean there is nothing like letting this happen.

What do you all think?

Oh and check out the blogs from two of my favorite bloggers:

Naked With Socks On

AND

A Belle In Brooklyn

Irony

2009-08-10T16:25:00.003-04:00

So it's been a little while since I've updated this blog. I guess the main reason would be writer's block and that I haven't had too many exciting things happen this Summer. Also haven't had much drama either, which can be a good or bad thing if you think about it. I have missed my random blogs, so I might just pull one out of the old berry soon enough. I have a few that I need to edit and when the time is right, I will post them.

Now to the ironic part...I have been a little busy blogging, just not here. I actually started ANOTHER blog. This new blog is different because it actually focuses on something other than my random quirks and personal life. It deals more with one of my favorite things to talk and tweet about...FOOD. I started it last week and so far it's okay lol. I am trying to update it far more frequently than this one which will be easier especially since I think about food most of the time.

When you get a moment, check it out. So far it's coming along smoothly. The title of the blog is Everything But Rice. The easy explanation is that even though I fancy myself to be a great cook, I can't seem to master rice. Plain white rice seems to be something that I just can't seem to get right (I'm sure it's just the rice though, not my ability). Either way, I chose that name because I thought that it was different and I can really go months without actually making rice.

Whenever you get a moment, check it out. I'm sure that you will like it. :)

I'm a FOODIE

Gone

2009-06-26T11:58:00.004-04:00

Michael Jackson is gone but not forgotten. Yesterday the world lost one of it's most famous and talented geniuses. The feeling that I think most people are feeling is numbness. I think that the shock is slowly wearing off but now I am just filled with complete sadness. But also relief for him and his family. Many people will try to point out all the bad and negative but I will not. We know what we did to help him sink further into his reclusiveness. People fail to realize that he was human just like the rest of us.

Michael was (feels very weird referring to him in the past tense) the ultimate performer. His moves and sound can be found in artists that are coming up today. His music had no genre. He was universal. No other did it like him and I don't think that anyone can achieve that level of success. There may be some contenders but MJ definitely is on the higher echelon of superstardom.

At this time I am super emotional, but I had to come off my hiatus to post on the King of all Music, Mr. Michael Jackson. He will be missed deeply. I could only imagine how his family must be feeling and I hope that they can put all of the negative behind them and come together for Michael and let him Rest in Peace. People joke that we lost him years ago and that might be true, but why is it so hard for the world to accept that now he really is gone...

Thanks for reading.

The Michael Jackson Youtube train
http://www.youtube.com/user/michaeljackson?blend=1&ob=4

King of Pop

I Trust You

2009-05-21T11:47:00.002-04:00

Over this week, I've been really reflective. As the days get shorter and time goes by faster, I think about what I've done or what needs to be done in my life. One thing that remains a constant in my thoughts is how short life is. I have to remind myself of this daily because at times I get stressed out when things don't work out in my favor but as I get older and more spiritual I understand that G*D would not give me more than I can handle.

The inspiration for this blog comes from a gospel song by James Fortune and Fiya. I only hear it on the radio during middays. When I hear a GOOD gospel song it brings a tear to my eye. This is for ALL the people that are struggling and find it hard to deal with everyday troubles. Just trust in the lord (or whoever/whatever you believe in).

James Fotune and Fiya - I Trust You

***I'm not ultra religious but I can accept that there is a being somewhere looking out for us.

ENJOY

Thanks for reading.

DIVA DIVA DIVA

2009-05-13T16:33:00.002-04:00

Ladies, Ladies, Ladies...

You are welcomed to the 4th Diva Lounge Event being hosted by Sirius' own Shayna D and myself Miss Cocoa Luv. This event is women that are doing major or even minor things in the "industry" and beyond. The turnout has been quite successful and VERY positive. No catty behavior, just young urban (city) professional women who seek to network with other fab divas.

It goes down TONIGHT at Nightingales in the LES
12th st and 2nd ave from 7-9 pm.

Music by the one and only DJ Profile

Hope to see you there.

Beyonce - Diva.mp3 -

Happy Mama's Day

2009-05-06T16:45:00.003-04:00

A two for one: A Story and a Review

First, I just want to say that my mom is the BEST!!! She raised me right and is very well the funniest person that I know. Yes we have our issues but that's what happens when you are two VERY opinionated and strong willed women. I'm grateful to have her in my life and no matter what she's always been my rock. But here is one of the REAL reasons why she is the best.

On Sunday, I was knocked out, comatose and my phone rings. At first I looked at the phone and almost ignored it but then figured I'd answer because if I didn't, she would keep calling me back. I picked up the phone with my "special" just woke up and have no idea what day it is voice and said "Yea." She says "Well, I got the tickets for Beyonce." I said "What????" I practically rolled out the bed. I was ECSTATIC! The funny thing is, I might be a fan, but I have NEVER seen here perform LIVE. So when I found out that tickets for her MSG June 21-22 shows were going on sale soon, I immediately contacted all the folks that I knew that could possibly get me a hook up for the show. I almost opted not to go because her tickets were HIGH but then the best mommy in the world called with the BEST news ever. I can't stop cheesing...

So this brings me to the mother's day special review and special event for those women or men that want to take their mom's some place cool over the weekend.

This Saturday at the Carol's Daughter Heritage Store located at 1 South Elliot place, join the founder of Carol's Daughter, Lisa Price as she discusses her favorite things about mothers day and some special Mother's Day gifts.

One gift set that I absolutely love is the Pearl Gift Set. The scent is unlike the others in that its very smooth and subtle with rich blends of vanilla and caramel (my favs). The set includes a body creme as well as an eau de toilette . I already know that my mom likes it so this would be a good gift and make my job easy (she's HARD to shop for, I usually give her money lol - besides I already purchased her gift). I recommend this to you because it won't disappoint. The fragrance isn't too heavy which is why I like it. I am more of a body spray - light fragrance girl. The best thing about CD fragrance is that they are not heavy and you won't feel choked up. A lot of times I find that perfumes have too much alcohol and can lead to headaches.

I have been stanning for Carol's Daughter for quite some time now and I have yet to have an issue, only that she needs to bring back the Amaretto Truffle Oil. If you think that people will want to eat you after Ocean, WHEW. I can't even talk about it because it makes me sad to think that I didn't stock up on that oil when I had the chance. But I digress, if you go to the Carol's Daughter website, you will find more products for the women that taught you everything she knows (even if she wasn't there she still taught you something...message!).

With that said, I just want to say thanks to all the women that have made a difference in my life. They have definitely shaped me to be the woman that I am today. Though I am still learning and growing, I am grateful for what I have learned thus far. On that note, thanks so much for reading and make sure you let your moms know that you love and appreciate her. Because you know they are VERY sensitive lol.

A little something extra
The Intruders - I'll Always Love My Mama

Madcon - A Review

2009-04-21T12:42:00.005-04:00

Last night I had the pleasure of sitting with the lovely ladies of Lip Service. Always a good time when I pay a visit. Shout out to my brotha from anotha motha, S. Malcolm for the invite.

Madcon - Who is that? What is that? Better yet, WHO are THEY?

Tshawe Baqwa and Yosef Wolde-Mariam are Madcon, a rap duo from Norway. When they walked in the studio, I was surprised to find out that they were of color. It's not everyday you hear about Black people living in Norway. I suppose it's my American ignorance that wouldn't allow me to think otherwise, even though I should have known, because WE are EVERYWHERE. The funny thing is they joked about the racial disparities by saying there were two other blacks in the country. At first I had some reservations about them because I am a known music snob (aside from me randomly liking Stanky Legg when it comes on the radio, smh). The good thing is I know that I'm not the only snob out there. Most Americans are snobbish, especially the so called Hip-Hop "purists". It would be safe to say that very few international Hip-Hop artists have a hard time coming to the states and making it big. Sometimes the crossover appeal isn't there nor is the strong cosign, a la John Legend and Kanye West for Estelle. No, she's not technically a Hip-Hop artist, but the co-sign definitely helped her to make a name for herself.

It's pretty hard to come to the US with a different Hip-Hop sound. This might be because we don't easily accept change. We have become accustomed to hearing the same formulas over and over, but I think that an international artist would add something interesting to the pot. What some people tend to forget is that Hip-Hop is more than music. It's a culture that spreads worldwide and is more than rapping about whips, chicks and "bling"(descending soapbox now).

Though I might be a snob, I give artists a fair listen. Even if it's for 30 seconds I check it out (30 may be too much for the trash that's out there). I can say affirmatively that they are not trash...so far. The song that I heard was "Beggin;" a nice blend of DooWop, Hip-Hop and Soul. What can I say? I'm a sucker for a good old-school vibe.

From their website...
"Madcons musical style is a retro-urban-mix with influences from funk, soul and hip hop (with additional elements and vibes from reggae, latin and african in the finished product). Yosef & Tshawe blend singing and rapping in a unique and harmonious way."

I might not be the "official" cosign, but I know what's good and I think that they have something. We are here to learn from different people and cultures and I'm sure that two African by birth, Norwegians have a very interesting story to tell.

Check out their video for Beggin below.

Ocean Makes People Want to Eat You

2009-04-20T12:45:00.003-04:00

A Review

Over the next couple of days, I am going to do reviews for one of my favorite beauty products on the market, Carol's Daughter. I was introduced a little while ago and have been a fan ever since. If you are looking for natural skin and beauty care, Carol's Daughter is the brand for you. Backed by celebrity investors such as Will and Jada Smith, Mary J. Blige and Jay-Z, she is surely becoming a household name. I am proud of this fact because she got her start in her kitchen in Brooklyn. I'm sure that when she began she had no idea where it would take her, but she is a proof that if you build it, they will come. The new found celebrity is just the icing for Lisa Price.

I'm sure that you read the title and was baffled and not sure what I was getting at, but let me just say this, once you take notice to the power of the of the Ocean, you will be HOOKED.

Although my favorite scent in Lisa's product line is Almond Cookie, I must say that Ocean Body Butter is the best hands down if you are looking to purchase one of her butters. If you like fresh and clean scents this is the winner for you. In addition, if your skin is dry like mine, any of the body butters are great. The website will give you information on how and where to buy and I will tell you exactly what each of these scents smell like to me.

Breakdown of Scents
Ocean - Fresh and clean scent. Not too strong but a sexy scent for the spring and summer months. I like to put it on when I am feeling extra sexy. A little rub on the legs in the summer will make your legs glisten.

Almond Cookie - No you won't smell like cookies but instead you will smothered in the warmth of almonds and vanilla. This is my everyday scent. I layer the souffle or butter with the Eau De Toilette. It makes me feel incredible.

Groove - This is a great scent for more mature noses. It has a hint of musk, vanilla and coconut. For ladies that want to get their groove back :)

Ecstasy - Sweet, not one of my favorites but it is a best seller. It's a little more fruity then the others. Reminds me of a strawberry/pineapple icy on a hot summer's day.

Jamaican Punch - Another best seller. Great for those that love tropical scents. A little too strong for me, but it hits you with a fruity earthy scent, it has notes of ylang ylang, apple, and sugar cane.

Mango Melange
- If you like mango this one might be right up your alley. It's sweet but not overpowering. For decoration there is actually a piece of mango, I wouldn't recommend eating it though lol...I know someone that tasted it, and no it wasn't me.

Sweethoneydipchocolatebrownsugah - That's a mouthful. I remember one day I woke up and said to someone, "I am chocolate, wouldn't it be cool if I smelled like chocolate?" Then I discovered it. This stuff right here, is the business. When it was first introduced it was in a small, I believe 2 oz can, now it's in a full 8 oz. Combine this with the Almond Cookie Eau De Toilette and the men will definitely take notice. TRUST ME. Put a little butter on the girls and you are set :).

I know that the title might seem that I am exaggerating, but I would not even write about it if it weren't the truth.

For more information you can check out the website, www.carolsdaughter.com
If you want to see, smell and ask questions, I'd recommend going to the store and checking out the products for yourself.

You can check out the Legacy store in Brooklyn which is on S. Eliot across from Fort Greene Park or check out the Flagship store in Harlem located on 125th between 5th and Malcolm X BLVD (Lenox Ave).

Please see below for footage of Lisa Price and Mary J. Blige on the Today Show.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Once again thanks for checking me out.

MISS I THINK HE'S GAY

2009-04-20T12:09:00.002-04:00

Miss I Think He’s Gay

I'm not sure if any of you watch the show Tough Love, but I have been watching since the very first episode. I started to watch because I thought that I might be missing something in my dealings with the menfolk. It's no secret that I'm single. There are reasons behind that singledom that I am slowly but surely coming to terms with. I've written in the past about dudes that I've dealt with, some good, others, not so good. All in all they've left an impression on me and I am definitely one for taking my mistakes and turning them into powerful lessons.

The women on the show have names that the coach has classified them as, you have Miss Bridezilla, Miss Gold Digger, Miss Fatal Attraction, just to name a few. The names are pretty much self-explanatory so I won’t delve too much into them. I mention their names only because I wonder what my name would be if I were on the show. It could be Miss Too Picky, especially if someone were to read my blog about my list of turn offs. It’s not a crime to know what I want and what I don’t want, but that’s not what this blog is about.

Before I go on, I just want to say that I have many male gay friends and they are truly near and dear to my heart. They are confident with their sexuality and who am I to judge? To each his own, that’s my philosophy. My problem lies with the men that are closeted homosexuals and are carrying on relationships with women knowing that they have urges to sleep with men. I understand that there are stigmas out there and it is extremely hard to be a Black man in society, let alone a gay Black man. But it is 2009, time to come clean. I’m not sure if the DL is strictly a black thing, but the way I see it, it’s mostly prevalent within our culture. I can’t speak on other races either because I am just a voyeur into their world.

After reading my boy’s blog over at NWSO and checking out Says The Single Girl. I decided to finally post the blog that has been sitting in my BB for months. NWSO’s blog struck a little cord with me because I might be one of those Black women that think that a lot of men are gay. I don’t claim to have the best “gaydar” but I can pretty much tell within minutes whether a guy has a little more tang than most. There are some guys that try to pull the trickery with the thugged-outness, but they can only pull the wool over my eyes for so long. When I was a teen I read all of E. Lynn Harris’ books and James E. Hardy books on the homo-thug population. Those aren’t the bibles, but they did help me to have a keener sense. There was also a time in my life when I would go to a couple of the gay clubs in NYC (if you’ve never been, go, it’s fun, only on the gay men nights though -torture but fun nonetheless). I definitely saw Craig and 'nem in the club posted up. Don't sleep.

As of late it has become a running joke. I spot a guy and claim him gay. No it’s not the “obvious” ones. It’s the ones that need that closer look. For one, I don’t like pretty boys or extra trendy metrosexual guys. That’s cool for some but give me a dude in a white tee and a fitted or a nice fitting suit any day. I don’t need my man to be fly and flashy. And don’t shoot me for this, but a little Harlem/BK swag never hurt anyone (yup I said it). I like my men a little rough around the edges. I realized this when I was in BK over the weekend. Of all the fine guys that were hipsterish or fly in their own way, I spotted the random dude with the grey thermal, jeans and Yankee fitted. Dude was fine (smh at my shyness right now).

But I digress, coming full circle now…I know that if I were to go on that show, Steve Ward would name my behind Miss Every Man is Not Gay. I have been working on not thinking this but I feel like gay is the new black. I know that it’s not just me so fellow readers what do you think? Are more men getting in touch with their extra femme side which is making them appear gay or are more and more men sinking deeper into the closet?

Once again thanks so much for reading, I appreciate ya and tell a friend. Definitely check out the video on Says The Single Girl's blog (link is above). I probably won't be the same again lol.

Blast Off!

2009-04-13T10:21:00.003-04:00

First off, thanks to everyone that showed love and commented on the LAME blog. Apparently, I'm not the only one that felt that dude is just CORNY. What makes dude so corny is the fact that he tries to make him self seem so good and noble, but when reality he is just lame. Maybe if we would have met him in his sober state we could have seen if he was in fact a decent man trying to stay on the good foot, but unfortunately for him, his ass wanted to drink and be disrespectful. TSK! TSK! TSK!

Goes to show you NEVER know who is doing what in their lives. He tried to play us and give us the groupie girl treatment. He has no idea. I'm actually pretty tickled by it. And no I am not the end all and be all and I typically steer away from unnecessary drama, but I also like to do stuff for shits and giggles and this was right up my alley. Especially since this all happened in my presence.

This past Saturday my peeps over at VIP Saturdays had Pierre, Christian and Landon (a seemingly good and humble dude) on the show. You can check the audio below as Pierre was put in the hot seat. Pay special attention to when he's asked about sexing co-workers. Brotha please is all that I have to say. Shouts to Stylez for posting the audio and to the rest of the crew, DJ Self, Shayna D, Jules, and Kimmie

BLAST OFF!

V.I.P SATURDAYS W/ DJ SELF - KIMMI CUP CAKES CORNER

Once again thanks for the love. And tell a friend.

LAME!

2009-04-10T13:28:00.004-04:00

Photocredit FlyStyleLife

*Disclaimer: I don't usually bash people on the mean innanets, but I couldn't resist. I won't go too hard, so don't get your bloomers in a bunch. And forgive me for the length of this blog.

Last night me and one of my besties went out. Started out at Hiro and realized that it was a tang fest so we bounced. Since the night was still young we decided to head over to Cafeteria. *sidebar: This place has the bomb waffle banana split...

While we were wrapping things up with our meal, I noticed that Christian from Harlem Heights was there. It's no secret that I think he's a cutie. I saw him last week at another spot and I was smitten, but I digress. When we were done, I told my homegirl that we needed to get on the move. Come to find out he was with another associate of ours and the other cute guy Pierre. *sidebar: I thought that Pierre was cute too until I saw Christian... This is where things get hilarious to my friend and I. Let me start by saying that we are FAR from being groupie type girls. But cute is cute. If it was some other cute dude, I probably would have said the same damn thing (I'm single, don't judge me lol). The slight bit of fame that these guys think they have isn't impressive and clearly has gone STRAIGHT to their heads (Christian not so much, he's a typical NY/Harlem dude). At first, I didn't mind sitting with them and seeing what these guys were about. First off, Pierre was drunk and Christian was just chill, slightly standoffish but that's coming from a Cancer who walks away from conversations if I lose interest. I am a perceptive person and I can pretty much size someone up within the first five minutes. I'm not the friendliest person so if I don't know you I don't talk to you. The only thing with this situation is we were sitting at the same table so I couldn't be that rude... (GETTING TO THE MEAT...)

So while I am sitting there taking it all in, I noticed that the seemingly "sweet," mature and "noble" Pierre is actually pretty friggin' pompous. On the show, his character seems kind of genuine and wants to help people to get out of tough situations. I thought that was a good quality, especially in a young Black man. What I saw last night did not indicate how he portrays himself on the program. I watch this show every week against my better Harlem judgment. There was one episode when he went out with Brooke (Ye's ex) and I thought that she clowned him without merit. Of course with good editing it made her look like a bad guy because she basically clowned him. He was slightly corny but I thought it was cute. She went on to say that he's one of those guys that would talk a lot about himself to make himself look good, but once again that wasn't shown. Last night, in a matter of five minutes (no lie), I sized him up to be a pompous asshole that puts on a facade to make him look better to others. Alcohol is a helluva drug and I believe that is when people's true personalities come out. He gave a toast to "stardom." There were some other girls at the table and he was squeezing one of their legs. He even tried to do that to my homegirl, but since we aren't into all of that she shut that down.

While I was conversing with Christian to just pick his brain about his experience, what's next, his current job and his true Harlemness; I notice that Pierre is just talking and talking about nothing. I wanted to ask him about his organization that he is working with and if this new found "fame" was helping his cause but after my five minutes of sizing his jerky ass up I realized that it wasn't even worth it. You can usually tell a lot about someone if you knew how they grew up. I determined that he was overcompensating for something. We probably grew up the same way, only thing is I grew up in Harlem and he in Trenton, NJ. He seems like he is just now coming to terms with it. I wouldn't even be surprised if he lied about how he grew up when he was in college. But he might have also been braggadocious about his growing up just to say "look at where I came from", which wouldn't be so bad if he wasn't so damn boastful. There is nothing worse than a good looking guy who is an asshole. That just leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Christian on the other hand is chill, he's a Pisces and Cancers get a long with them best. Pierre is a Leo (run for the hills). When we found out his sign, it just confirmed my analysis. Here is where things could have gotten ugly. He had the AUDACITY to ask my homegirl if he could "Have sex with her in the bathroom " (he actually used the F word) after she asked if he was going to come through to her radio show. That put the nail in the coffin. How dare he even have the balls to say something like that? I understand that some girls would giggle and smile and agree to that but he picked the wrong one. I mean really, you are on a reality show on BET. FOH!

In addition when they were done eating and the check was left, our associate took out her wallet and proceeded to pay for the whole thing. HALT! Are you kidding me? You have all this pompous pseudo celebrity and you are going to let a chick pay for you and your boy's meal? FOH. We had to tell her to put her portion out and let these dudes pay for their own ish. Pierre would have let her too, if sense wasn't spoken to her.

All in all that experience was Hilarious. I've met celebrities that weren't nearly as jerky as this dude was. I treat them all like regular people. The significant difference is they have a little money (or a lot) and they are on TV. These guys were no exception especially since they weren't nearly close to stardom and still struggling. Yes, they have a little bit of a fan base and girls flocking to them but once this show is over, they will not be remembered.

When we were gathering our belongings, we overheard them talking about going to a party and that they were going to have tables and bottles so before we left, my home girl said out loud, "We should go to Body and pop some bottles." This is what Brooke said to Briana and I thought that was the dumbest thing I ever heard. SMH. After it was said Pierre and Christian turned around and said "What?" She said it again and needless to say they were displeased. And that was it, we left with no words and didn't even chuck a deuce at them.

That's all folks.

Sorry it was long, but definitely check out the LIVE version this Saturday on VIP Saturdays on Sirius/XM Shade 45 from 10-1 am

Also check it out in two weeks on The Cocoa Luv Chronicles airing from 7-8 on WBMB 87.9 FM

Besos

I'm A DIVA

2009-04-07T13:11:00.004-04:00

Ladies, Ladies, Ladies...

You are welcomed to the 3rd Diva Lounge Event being hosted by Sirius' own Shayna D and myself Miss Cocoa Luv. This event is for the woman who is doing major or even minor things the "industry" and beyond. The turnout has been quite successful and VERY positive. No catty behavior, just young urban (city) professional women who seek to network with other fab divas.

It goes down TOMORROW at Nightingales in the LES
12th st and 2nd ave from 7-9 pm.

Music by the one and only DJ Profile

Hope to see you there.

P.S. The date of the event is Wednesday April 8, 2009.

Beyonce - Diva.mp3 -

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LADIES

2009-03-26T15:00:00.003-04:00

Usually I am unaware of celebrity birthdays until they have passed. Well this week was different. I happened to turn to KISS 98.7 FM for the midday jams (it's the only time I listen to commercial radio). All week they have been playing music from Aretha, Stephanie and Diana. Needless to say I was excited. I love them all. I can't pick a favorite out of the three because they each brought something different. Diana brought the super fabulousness and hair. Aretha has the big, beautiful voice that could make Chuck Norris cry (see what I did, lol). Stephanie, is just something else. Her voice is serious and it's always shocking because she is so petite. LOVES HER...Maybe I do have a favorite :).

***Memory: I grew up listening to WBLS and KISS (if you are not from NY, they are urban adult contemporary stations that play LOTS of oldschool). I don't remember how old I was, but I remember calling and actually getting through to speak to Lenny Green (swoon) and requesting Stephanie's "Feel The Fire." He asked how old I was (maybe I was 15) and he said "What do you know about feeling the fire?" I responded "I just know good music."***

Since I haven't blogged in a little while, I figured I would give them a shout and share the wealth of music.

You can also check out The Cocoa Luv Chronicles tonight from 7-8 on www.wbmbradio.com.

Stephanie Mills b. March 22, 1957
Feel The Fire - Live

Aretha Franklin b. March 25, 1942
Daydreaming

Diana Ross b. March 26, 1944
Upside Down

Thanks for reading.

:)

Is It A Crime?

2009-03-13T16:50:00.006-04:00

This blog stems from a conversation that I had with my “bro”. I casually (but seriously) asked him if his new girl friend had any single male friends. I haven't met anyone new in a while and since I don’t go out often, nor work in a place with suitable men and happen to be VERY shy when it comes to strangers of the male variety; I found this to be a good option. Or so I thought…

I’m not sure how we began talking about my “list,” but I am pretty sure that it went a long the lines of him asking what I was looking for and me supplying the rundown. Now, before I go on, I want to say that I’m realistic enough to know that any guy I meet is not going to have all of the traits that I like.
Many of the traits I were joking about, one especially was about guys falling within a specific astrological sign. He wanted to end the conversation after that but I reassured him that I am not THAT bonkers. I have some dealbreakers, but that’s not one of them. Hell, I have been after a Sagittarius since forever and I KNOW that it would never work.

After a while I told him that he should just read my top 10 list of Turn Offs so that he can get an idea. I don’t have anything so harsh up there that would make me seem like I’m unrealistic. Is it a crime that I don’t want to deal with someone that smokes cigarettes, has homo-sexual tendencies, or is unmotivated to do anything? No, I don’t think so. Of course the real mistake that I made was asking him and not going straight to her. I’m sure he twisted EVERYTHING that I said to her when they spoke about my singledom. I told him that I’m not necessarily looking for a boyfriend/husband but a damn date. Maybe I should not have went on and on about a “list,” but F it, he asked.

So the next day I asked what the deal was, would I be setting some dates up and then he hit me with “She has some words for you.” All I could think was, “Oh boy, he done twisted some ish up and now she thinks I’m crazy or naïve.” When I told him about this “list” I explained to him that this is what a matchmaker does. They weed out the unsuitable prospects for the people that they are matching. If I were making an account on match.com, e-harmony.com, blackpeoplemeet.com etc, they would ask me even more specific questions.

I still don’t think I’m wrong. He asked me about looks, I said as long as I find them nice looking. He asked whether I preferred light skin v dark skin, I said, nope doesn’t matter. He asked about money, I said as long as they have a job, he countered that statement with “the economy, blah blah blah.” So I retracted my initial statement and said well he has to want something out of life and not sit on his ass all day. Once again I ask where am I wrong? Why do I need to get “words?”

Because he has a flair for the dramatic, I am going to say that he didn’t tell her about the details of the “list” but that I have a supposed “list.” The funny thing is I don’t have a LIST. I just know what I like and what I am willing to tolerate in a mate. Guys will definitely have their questions about me. I find that they are pickier than we are. We put up with WAY more ish than they do that’s for sure…or maybe that’s just me. Besides, I don’t need a book to tell me if someone is not that into me. I am good at reading people and seeing the signs that are in front of me. It's just a matter of taking heed to those signs. I am the only one that can make the decision of wanting to “get with it or get lost.” I don’t or try not to play games so I don’t need to read The Rules. Games lead to drama, and I don’t do drama. Anything that Steve Harvey has to say about dating, I’ve heard before. Now, don’t get me wrong, reading those books are good for people that are looking for the answers that they already have but want further confirmation (not to say that if you do read them, there is something the matter with you, but I don’t really get into self-help books). I know enough about myself to know that nine times out of ten I’m pretty much not going to follow the words. I’m going to follow my heart and use what I learned from ALL of the mistakes that I made in the past. Now my question is, what words could someone have for me that I haven’t heard before?

I’m off the soapbox and no I am not proclaiming to know everything. My singledom is mostly by choice. I’m not getting in the way of my own happiness. I just know what’s good for me.

Thanks to all that read today and yesterday and I hope that you continue in the future.

Deuces

A little old school fo dat ass

Cameo - Single Life

Behind the Scenes - Photoshoot 2009

2009-03-09T16:50:00.004-04:00

Greetings,

I know that it has been quite sometime, but as you can see, I have been a little busy. I am trying my hand at something new. In order for me to really take this new venture seriously, I had to make some investments, that I will hopefully get an ROI (return of investment) on.

If you look below you will see some behind the scenes footage of the photoshoot that I did with my friend, Super Duper photographer Rayon Richards. I did three different looks and over the course of harassing him, I finally settled on the date and magic was made.

As usual thank you for taking the time to check me out. I do appreciate it... I will definitely thank you when I accept my Emmy, SAG, TONY, RAZZIE (lol), Oscar etc.

The Process:
The best thing about this shoot was the shopping. I mostly window shopped, and visited blogs looking for celebrity inspiration. I came across one look that I loved and it was sported by Amber Rose (Kanye's new boo). She was sporting some red disco pants from American Apparel, a white tee and a fly leather jacket. When I went to try the pants on, I soon found that my calves were too big for those itty bitty pants so I nearly gave up on the look until I stepped in H&M and I found the red pants that you see in the second look.

The black dress in the last look was something that I purchased on sale a while ago. I had no idea where I would wear it, but after a weekend of watching some movies from the 40's and 50's I was inspired once again. The flower and pearls came after when I needed something to finish the look.

I know that I asked everyone I know which looks I should do, and being the indecisive Cancer that I am, I changed my mind 50-11 times. When it came down to it, I wanted to look like me, but glamified.

So without further ado, behind the scenes of my very first photo shoot.

Photoshoot 2009
Starring
Me: Miss Cocoa Luv
Photographer: Rayon Richards
Shoot Director: Shayna D
Makeup/Hair: Shonette

Cocoa Receives an Award :)

2009-03-06T11:36:00.005-05:00

This is such a cute idea. It took me a while to get around to doing it, but I do want to send a thanks out to Blaq Vixen Beauty for thinking enough to nominate me. Because she thought of me, I would like to pass it along to other bloggers that I do devour on a daily,weekly,monthly basis. So here goes:

The Rules:
1. Put the logo on your blog or post.
2. Nominate at least 10 blogs which show great Attitude and/or Gratitude!
3. Be sure to link to your nominees within your post.
4. Let them know that they have received this award by commenting on their blog.
5. Share the love and link to this post and to the person from whom you received your award.

The Fab 10:
1. Honey Brown Sugar
2. Honey and Vinegar
3. Gangstarr Girl
4. Belle
5. Blaq Vixen Beauty
6. Kind Of Dope
7. Afrobella
8. Black Girl, Long Hair
9. Tha Connoisseur
10. Anti Hair Slave

Honorable mention:
** Just because she cracks me up DAILY lol
Loose Neck

Thanks again for reading.

More blogs to come soon.

When Love Calls...or Doesn't

2009-02-24T15:43:00.000-05:00

This post was started out the week of Valentine's Day, but I had a case of writer's block and didn't finish. I think that I am over it...for now. So here goes, the Post V-DAY blog.

It's amazing how certain songs make you think without even trying to. Every time around this year I start thinking about all the BS that I've spewed about my happy singledom. Well maybe not all BS because for the most part I am happy and I get to focus on my priorities and desires without thinking about someone else's interests clouding my thoughts. Usually on Valentine's day I spew anti-sentiments about this make believe holiday, but this year I thought that things would be different. I didn't feel any negativity about it. I know that it's just a regular day, but it just so happens to be Single Awareness Day also (shout to the homie Mike Brown the Remix for that one). There is no other day where you feel more single and alone. It's in your face. It's like the day after Christmas is when they put all the hearts and chocolates out. It's everywhere. And quite nauseating at times. It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't a manufactured holiday and if lovers showed love daily rather than on THIS day.

On the day of, I woke up feeling happy for the most part. I had a pleasant morning. Then the afternoon hit. I guess I was watching a movie or in the house for too long by myself and then all of a sudden I felt tears. They came out of nowhere (I know that I am a crier, but this time they were unexpected). Then I received a call from my mother. And that's when the levees broke. I try not to cry around my mother, but like a mother, she knew that there was something wrong. She talked some sense into me and also reminded me of my last boyfriend which was ions ago. I remembered how much of an ASS he was and came back to reality. She also reminded me that it was just one day. After her "pep" talk and giggles at my expense, I kind of snapped out of it. It also helped that I looked in the mirror and saw that my eyes were bloodshot. It was not a pretty sight lol. I haven't cried since that day. I don't know if I was depressed, PMS-ing or all of the above. I do know that I can't let that happen again. I didn't plan it out right. And it's not like I don't have people that have expressed interest in me, but I suppose that I am not just that into them lol. It happens.

The song below, sparked the blog and I ended up OFF the subject, but not really. My lesson in all of this is to maintain ME. I can't lose sight of who I am and fall back to the dark and lonely place.

Oh yea, check out The Cocoa Luv Chronicles LIVE EVERY Thursday from 7-8 only on www.wbmbradio.com ft Mike Brown the Remix, you can find him here

Atlantic Starr - When Love Calls

Thanks for reading :)

A MUST HAVE

2009-02-03T16:58:00.003-05:00

Greetings, it's been a little while and I just wanted to let you all know that things are fine. I have been going through some Cancer (the sign) issues, ya know moody, irritable without cause, annoyed, sensitive etc. Things are good though just been emotional. Either way today I don't have a true blog, but I do have something that I want to share. Yesterday one of my coworkers received Love Train: The Sound of Philadelphia. This may be by far one of the best Soul collections that I've seen so far (still waiting for the Motown 50).

I'm an old soul so this one touched me deep. I remember listening to most if not all of the songs while growing up. I was a WBLS, Hal Jackson Sunday classics kid. Dancing with my mom in the living room while cleaning kid. LOL.

I don't get paid to promote music so you know that I must be feeling it. It's a four disc collection of some of the best that Philly has to offer. A rich mix of melodies, vibes, soul and pure goodness. There are some old favs from the OJays, Teddy P, Harry Melvin, TSOP, etc etc. Gamble and Huff definitely were masters at their craft. So if you know any music buffs I suggest you definitely cop that.

Love Train: The Sound of Philadelphia

Some of my favs :)

The Stylistics - Hurry Up This Way Again

The Manhattans - Kiss and Say Goodbye

The Ojays - I Love Music

Harold Melvin and The Blue Notes ft Sharon Paige - Hope That We Can Be Together Soon

A TRUE STORY

2009-01-28T11:21:00.002-05:00

Might be a little long...but it's a good one :)

Shortly after graduating HS I enlisted in the US Army. The training period is for 9 weeks. I was there for way over the normal period due to some behavioral issues (bad attitude, hard headed, stubborn, wouldn't stand in formation the right way etc) and that was in the first two weeks. I knew what I was getting into when I enlisted, but I still was not mentally prepared for what was to come. I could talk about my whole time there, but I won't. But, I will talk about a major portion of the basic training period. And that is BRM (Basic Rifle Marksmanship). This section of training is three weeks long and is spent learning about and taking care of your weapon (never a gun).

The training was in the field with the M16. We would get a grade of “Go” or “No Go” once we accomplished each exercise. When you fire, the kick is so bad it feels like it’s breaking the whole side of your face. The shooting position is on the ground with your cheek pressed hard against the steel. Needless to say, I was not feeling that one bit. As the days and soon weeks went by, I was determined to get that GO on my field exercise. I spent two and a half weeks of my biyatch of a Drill Sergeant ridiculing me, yelling at me, smoking me (push ups until she got tired of counting). I never qualified during the whole time so I spent more time on the field than others. All I wanted was to get a GO, to make my DS stop being a B to me. I felt like Gomer Pile in Full Metal Jacket. I hated her. Her evilness gave me that boost that I needed in the training.

When qualification day came, I was nervous. This would be the day when you get a Marksman, Sharpshooter or Hawkeye ranking. There were some people in my training that I knew would knock it out the box on qualification day because they had Go's all during the training. They were feeling themselves; hell I was even feeling them. I wanted to be them. When it was my turn, my hands were clammy, throat was dry but for whatever reason I felt freer. I resolved that this was it. Do or Die. I got into position. I was ready. I didn't know what to expect, I just knew that this course was different from training. First target nailed it, then they kept popping up and I got them shot by shot. With controlled breaths and a steady cheek, I saw each target and aimed. Then it was over. I stood up. When all was accounted for, I nearly jumped for joy. Pvt ____ certified Marks(wo)man. First time GO. Hell yes. I was overjoyed. I even went up to my DS and told her the news (she didn't know yet) and for a second it looked like she had a half a smile...more like a smirk. When we got back to the base and had our "free time" I called my mom and my homeboy's mom (I graduated with her son and he enlisted also). I was too excited. During my three weeks of training, I called them with my grunts and groans so it felt good to finally call with some good news. They knew how hard I worked and how much I wanted to qualify the first round. It was a wonderful feeling.

**I failed to mention that the people that I envied that qualified at the ranges leading up to the big day, DID NOT qualify the first day. Needless to say that made my pot even sweeter.**

Though there were many things that I accomplished during Basic Training, this segment was most memorable. I felt defeated during the whole three weeks of BRM. I felt like I wouldn't master it, but I didn't give up. I wanted to, lord knows I did. I even wanted to turn the rifle on my DS because she was such a B (yea sounds dramatic, I know it's all mental, but her ass was EVIL, she treated me the WORSE). In retrospect, I'd like to think that maybe she saw a bit of me in her (not the evil part but the determined by all means part). Whatever it was that I endured on those days definitely made me stronger. I'm one of those people that won't listen if someone says "You can't do it" or "You'll fail" etc. My thoughts to that are "Oh really, well watch me." Call it NY cockiness or whatever. I might've cried and cursed but that's something I can't help, I'm an emotional temperamental Cancer and that's just how I roll.

To sum it all up, BT was no easy feat. It brought a lot out of me. A lot! But when I look back I don't regret going. Besides it’s always a fun story to tell. When I think about how I’m struggling and want to give up, I think back to those days and say, “This is nothing.”

Today's Army is definitely DIFFERENT. When I was in, there NO pictures let alone videos being taken while in training. But take a look at what these soldiers went through wheich is what most if not all training soldiers go through.

This was my LEAST FAVORITE part of Basic Training
The Gas Chamber. The temptation to run out is REAL!

This was on of my FAVORITE parts of Basic Training
Blue Phase NIT - Night Infiltration Course

Maybe Next Time...

2009-01-13T10:33:00.002-05:00

Ever see someone on the train that catches your eye and then kick yourself once you get off because you didn’t say anything? Well take a gander at this tale, I’m sure that it might be familiar to some…

I was comatose on the train going to one of my jobs. At the time I was working in Brooklyn after work and on the weekends. On this particular day I was very sleepy so I decided to catch some Z’s on my hour long commute. I slept most of the way, only to wake up and found you sitting next to me. I had no idea how I must've looked or how my breath smelled so I tried to “catbath” myself real quick...you know get the invisible crust out, and lick the teeth to get whatever residue that might've went into my mouth when I was asleep. You were reading a book, something about Dave Chappelle and a conspiracy. I mentioned a blog that was related to the subject matter and to my surprise you were a reader too (Stuff Black People Hate – MY FAV).

I asked what it was about and you engaged me in conversation like you were waiting for me, or anyone for that matter, to ask about it. By the time I had all of my facilities, it was time to get off the train. What pained me at the moment was that I didn't have the right amount of courage to slip you my business card or to even ask you for your name, but I do know that you were quite the looker. When I got off the train I kicked myself because I didn't make any moves. But then again, you didn't make any either. The funny thing is I thought about posting one of those Missed Connection ads on Craig's List but thought better of it because I had my chance then blew it. Besides if the feeling were mutual you would have made the move too then right?

Late XMas Post

2009-01-12T14:26:00.002-05:00

This year I was in charge of Christmas dinner. We decided that because my apt is bigger we'd do it there. The pot got sweeter, no pun intended, when I told my mom that I would be cooking everything. Everything, meaning my very first turkey. This is no small feat. I was horrified at hearing the tales of turkey nightmares, it seems that everyone's first turkey turns out to be a disaster. I was determined that I was not going to allow that to happen.

As the days drew closer to the big day, I went to buy my turkey so that it could defrost and be ready for game time. At that point (the Monday before Christmas) I had my turkey and the cheese for the once a year mac and cheese and the cream cheese for the frosting for my very first red velvet cake. Nothing else had been purchased yet. I am a last minute sort of gal (especially when it comes to spending $$). The Wednesday before is when I felt my heart drop down to my knees. I don't live close to a good supermarket; the Fine Fare up the block doesn't count. Pathmark is my best bet when it comes to heavy duty shopping and they have the best hours (they are open for 24 hours). Well on this Christmas Eve, the bastards decided to close at 7 pm (expletive)!!! I got there at 7:18. To say that I was shocked and on the verge of tears is an understatement. I just knew that I was going to get my stuff and go about my business, no such luck. My next option was the Super Stop and Shop. I saw a couple of people in the parking lot and you couldn’t tell me that they weren’t still open. Umm… wrong again. Those assholes closed at 7pm also. At this point I thought that Christmas dinner was going to be canceled. Or at the very least we would have a turkey lol. Then an angel said to me, CTown is still open. I had no idea where it was but I took my ride or die bish (shopping cart) on the bus and went to find the beacon of hope. When I got there it looked closed and I felt the tears welling up. I began to kick myself for waiting to the last minute. But then I turned the corner and the magical doors opened. I wanted to do a dance of joy, I was so happy. It's not a super store, but hell they had what I needed.

Once I got home I proceeded to cook after resting for an hour because once I start, I don't stop until I am close to finish. For events such as this, I do all of my prep work the night before so that all I have to do is throw the food in the oven or on top of the stove. The menu was serious and was going to take a lot of work.

It was very brave of me to embark on this endeavor. But I did it. The food was GREAT. I made my mother congratulate herself on teaching me how to cook lol. The turkey was a hit (toot toot). It wasn't dry, when I cut it open it didn't start bleeding, the giblets weren't left on the inside, mom was pleased. She was the one that scared me the most. And is the hardest to please. When I got her approval that did it for me. My mother is the type that will not lie to me just because she's my mother. She's my toughest critic, next to myself of course.

*Side note: one of my besties that attended even ate some turkey and she's a vegetarian lol. All the friends that had food liked it and that made my little nurturing Cancer self happy.

All in all if I had to do it again, I would. It was a good experience for me. I've cooked major meals before but this was definitely a test of the wills. I have battle scars to prove (true test of someone that's in the kitchen a lot: burns, blisters and cuts).

On that note, thanks for reading and I hope that your holiday was pleasant.

I hope that your New Year is going GREAT!

The menu:
Herb butter roasted turkey
Roast Beef (my first one also, not bad at all)
Mac and cheese
String beans w/ turkey bacon (vegetarian friend who eats turkey bacon and other friends that don't eat pork -good compromise)
Cabbage
Yams w/ marshmallows
Potato Salad (the best ever)
Mom's Ham
Homemade Red Velvet Cake w/ Cream Cheese Frosting (very first time making)

This was proposal worthy food if I must say so myself.

What's Beef? Or Is It?

2009-01-09T13:18:00.004-05:00

Well look at what we have here. Looks like there was some DRAMA between two soulful songbirds Miss Barbara Mason and Miss Shirley Brown. I won't talk much about it because it's all speculative. Apparently Shirley had the man first, Barbara swooped in and took said man. The songs are here. You judge for yourself :).

Shirley Brown - Woman to Woman

Barbara Mason - From His Woman To You

Barbara Mason - You've Got the Papers, I've Got the Man

Thanks for the read.

How many of you been involved in this sort of thing?

"Beatin' My Time"

2009-01-09T12:56:00.003-05:00

"Caught in the middle I don't know what to do"

You know how you hear a song when you are growing up and you like it just because it's hot, but you never really paid much attention to the lyrics. Well that's what happened when I heard this song a couple of years ago. I just thought it was a good dance track and knew that Big and Kim sampled it. But, when I heard it again, my ears opened up and I heard the words loud and clear. This song is so relevant in this age of confused men that are fighting themselves with the urges that are natural to them.

Check the song. It's comical but real.

Barbara Mason - Another Man

Thanks for the love :)

Excuse Me, That's an Exit!

2009-01-09T12:11:00.000-05:00

For the past year and some change I’ve had a “friend” aka THE DEALER that I see from time to time. I’ve known him for a while and we started out as just friends. Once I moved on my own though, we began to see more of each other. Well lately he’s been asking the question that seems to be on the minds of a lot of guys that I encounter. It's a request that I feel should only be granted to someone that is boyfriend/hubby status. I say this because you have to save something for the honeymoon right? I mean this is some serious stuff right here. This is not your run of the mill missionary, reverse cowgirl, doggy style… NO. He wants to PUT THAT WHERE? BACK THERE. And all I can say is “UH, UH”. You're good. I'm good. We're good. Because I already know if that happens, game over, party done. The break away will be harder. Instead of him being the dealer, he would be the dude that took my other jewel. The booty will never be the same again.

I mean what is the fascination with booty action? He tells me that he wants to try it because it's something that no one else has tried. (At one point I was saving it for someone who had my heart wrapped up in a sling, but then he "changed"…)
The dealer thinks that it would bring something new to the situation. My response was, “Something new could be getting some PDA action.” I’m not against doing something like that. LOL. Another question that comes to mind is “WHY THE HELL DO GUYS ALWAYS WANNA BE THE FIRST AT SOMETHING WHEN IT COMES TO WOMEN? WTF! Why is that so important? He isn't my boyfriend. He's just my part-time lover. I told him that if I gave up the booty, he would have to be my man and if he thought that I was crazy now, just wait. He wants to do serious ish without getting serious. So now I am at a point where I am thinking about moving on (change of pennery anyone?) or just see him every once in a while. This way when/if we do see each other, we'll feel it that much more. I consulted a couple of my male friends
to see what the big idea was. They basically told me to stop being scared and just do it or stop thinking about it if I’m not. Plain and simple.

After all that’s been said here, I will admit that I did some research on exit only entries. Seems to be a lot of prep work involved for this endeavor lol. I vote no.

Ahh the problem with being an insatiable single woman in a cold lonely world.

That is all.

Am I the only woman that is asked this question? I'm pretty sure that I'm not.

Thanks for reading

Some viewing material:
Some TANG for dat ass (no pun intended lol)
Samwell – What, What (In The Butt)

1st Jam of 09

2009-01-08T17:37:00.006-05:00

I know that many people look at my man Mike like he has MAJOR issues... Well let's face it. HE DOES! Love Mike to death and will probably scream and faint if I ever saw him in person. The other night before my NYE extravaganza I was jammin' to Michael's Off The Wall - "Get On The Floor". I don't think that I ever knew how HOT that song was. It's a serious dance jam and if I hear it when I'm out, I'm definitely getting on the floor. So with that being said...ENJOY.

Michael Jackson - Get On The Floor

The Preface

2009-01-08T15:06:00.002-05:00

Oh yea, and I know that I didn't need to do this. I was free writing on the train and this is what I came up with.

Normally I try to keep the subject matter of my blog fairly PG-13. Seeing as you never know who is reading, I like to keep certain aspects of my life “private”. I know that there are a lot of judgmental people who lurk blogs and make malicious comments so this has been the reason why I leave out certain details or don't get to descriptive. Me personally, I can give two shits about what someone else does. We each have our own lives and crosses to bear. Now don't get me wrong people that do horrid things to women and children deserve to be punished. It's obvious that those folk have a sickness that they can't control. But I digress.

With each blog I give a little piece of my soul. My readers and followers have read some stuff that only 3 people in my life know about. Of course the readers don't know everything, but they know enough. I try to be as real as possible. Whether it's so you can learn from my past mistakes, laugh (some of the ish is too sad not to laugh), think or just take a glimpse into the life of a single black woman living on her own in the city. Some people have NO idea what my day-to-day experiences are. As the days go by, I am still trying to figure me out. I don't proclaim to have all the answers. I just have lived.

Alright, that’s all. I felt like I needed to post this one to preface tomorrow’s blog. It’s veering from my usual subject matter and I had to consult some folks to see if it was as bad as I thought, but tomorrow, I guess you will be the “judge.” In the mean time thanks for reading and tell a friend to tell a friend.

NEW YEARS KICKS

2009-01-07T11:35:00.002-05:00

There are times in our young adult life when we go out for a good time and our sole motivation is to get twisted. Well maybe not all of you, but I know that I've been one of those people that thought that way once or twice. It's usually when I have to pay an insane amount of money in a club when I could've stayed my ass home and got tipsy for free.

Since I've been a drinker, I've had my share of drunken excursions. I had my first drink when I was 18 and in the military. We would get weekend passes and go to the hotels and clubs and just act crazy. I had no clue what I was doing, but discovered that clear alcohol was not my friend. Honeybuns either for that matter (someone tried to feed me one and it ended up across the room). The details of that night are very shaky but needless to say, my battle buddy and I got into some shenanigans that I won't dare post here lol.

That was my first drinking event and after that, I didn’t drink again until I was of age. Since then I’ve had my share of moments where I woke up and thought “what the F was I thinking?”

Moments of Shame…
Wreckless (99), your weave and natural hair don't match i.e. afro on top, French refined tracks on the bottom (07), you fall backwards down a flight of stairs (NYE 08), you open a cab door while the cab is moving, on the bridge (02,08), you get home, collapse on the kitchen floor and lay there because it feels good (06), and finally you see a Memphis Bleek look alike @ Cheetah and tell him that you are leaving with him (01 or 02).

Yea ummm each of those times I had to blame it on the Aaaa Alcohol (Jamie Foxx voice). It's one heck of a drug. I don't drink heavily, but when I do, it's all hands on deck because either I'm dancing around non stop like I'm on an episode of Soul Train or I'm wandering around the club looking for my sobriety.

This past NYE made me remember the last times I was TWISTED. After each drunk excursion, I wake up and say I’M NEVER DRINKING AGAIN. That usually works for a couple of months or until the next celebration. However, every drunk time doesn't leave to hangovers or stomachaches, they just leave me with pictures to lock away and stories to recollect the next day. Last week I went in to the party knowing that I was GOING IN. First of all I paid TOO much money to hang out with strangers. I told my friends that "I better meet somebody or get f-d up." Unfortunately it was the latter.

The day leading up to the big event I was suffering from out of this world cramps. I didn’t have an appetite, I just ate so that I can take my "trusty" meds, Aleve. I went to get my nails done, bought my panty hose, went home, ate breakfast (3pm) took my medication and went to sleep. When I woke up, the cramps were mostly gone so I figured the Aleve was done working its magic. Hours later we get to the party. I pour my Henny straight, then realize that I don’t party like that anymore, and pour some cranberry in to the glass...ahhh better. Then it's 12 am. It's 2009, time to pop some champagne. They gave us the cheap ish and it was DISGUSTING. I drank a couple of sips and sat the rest down. I think that's when things got hazy. My friends tell me that I didn't even drink a lot (we monitor each other...well one of us monitors lol). I knew that I didn't have a lot to drink, no more than my usual. I’m usually good with two cups. I know my limit.

The next day I woke up on my best friend’s couch, runs in my hose, hair in disarray, cramps and STARVING. I also noticed that I was sore. Once I was coherent, my two besties told me what happened. There was a fall, which explains the bruises. I remembered most of what happened once we left. There was a fight and I had to pull some crazy broad off of one of my friends (imagine that in 3 inch heels while wobbly lol). Later that day we went to dinner and queried about my drunkenness. I mean I did have less to drink than everyone. Then it dawned on us that the Aleve that I thought was out of my system was still in my system wrecking havoc. I knew that it was something, I felt drugged like someone slipped me a “mickey”. The true culprit of the night was the cramps and the Aleve. But I’m STILL NEVER DRINKING AGAIN!

Lesson learned.

Some Goodies

2008-12-23T13:02:00.002-05:00

You know how I do, so check out the Oldies and Goodies :

Linda Clifford - Runaway Love

And I REALLY LOVE this song

Womack and Womack - Baby I'm Scared of You

Your Highness

2008-12-23T10:26:00.003-05:00

I met him late 06. Me and my homegirl were out and about when out of nowhere some pretty ass red boy stopped, dropped to his knees and did a mock proposal to both of us. It was weird and flattering at the same time. It wasn't so much that he was attractive it was the fact that his friend was THE Foinest guy I've seen in a looooong time. So after the knee drop his friend took my cellphone and put his number in it. I didn't know what to say because I was so stunned at the act of this foine ass guy making a scene and giving me the digits. There was no conversation, just "call me." I melted.

A couple of days go by and I'm thinking "should I call or shouldn't I?" Well I did, and let me just say his voice made the girls come to attention (lol) and um drip drip. Yea it was THAT serious. He called himself "Your Highness" and at that point a sista would have bowed down on sight. Smh lol. He was 6'5" (no lie), body was that of a god or something close, A SMILE and dimples that made you melt, had a natural tan, his body was sick, not too buff, something out of a Zane book FINE. Smh at the thought. Where was I?

After about a couple of weeks of convo every now and then (didn't want to appear thirst), we still hadn't made any plans so I was thinking maybe it was a fluke. But damn if I wasn't intrigued by his sexy ass voice.

One night after resolving that him and I wouldn't be seeing each other any time soon, I went shopping. Then, I got a call and it was from him. He asked where I was and he came to scoop me. Luckily that was a day I decided to look a little cute. I had just done my BIG CHOP so my hair was in some little twist things that were VERY NEW to me, but it didn't stop my flow (he liked it anyway hehehe). This night will forever go down in my book of great first dates (if you want to call it that). Our first destination was some steak house on Park Ave S going towards Union Square. When we got out of the car, he grabbed my hand as we walked across the street (melting). We met up with a couple of his friends, had a glass of wine, had some brief chit chat then rolled out to the next spot. We ended up in the Vill to meet more of his friends. This was my first encounter with Sushi Samba (LOVE that place). At this point I was too through with everything, completely smitten and didn't know what the hell to do. I know that without trying, he could've gotten the ass that night, just because lol. When we got there, I had to escape to the bathroom, not really to use it but to call one of my girls. It was almost an S.O.S. because I was about to lose it (not a man down code 10 situation, but I was definitely in awe of it all). When I came back up I saw that he ordered for me, a shocker, but I was most certainly pleased. We tried a couple of dishes on the menu and then he did the most shocking thing of the whole night...HE FED ME! LOL. Then kissed me (sounds unreal, I know). We sat in that restaurant at the bar and kissed like lost lovers. It was like magic. By then I was tippin'. My homegirl thought I was crazy because I kept sending her text messages like I was a maniac.

After that night, I was like Ginuwine "So Anxious." At that point, I had never met a guy like that. I fell back though because I knew what I was up against. He was very busy and always out and about. I believe that this was the time when I was working on some radio stuff and working. Our paths didn't really cross too much after that first night. Then I got a call saying that he was in the area. I went down to see him and he looked good enough to eat. I knew at that point that I had to see him again. Weeks go by and after constantly missing each other, we finally caught up. He came through and we went for a drive around the city, ended up in Jerz and that's all she wrote.

I wish that I can say that he rocked my world like the Zane characters but it was just OKAY at best. Fine - yes. Body - SICK AND RIDICULOUS! Sex ... I think that with him I was so wrapped up in everything else that I just knew that he was going to put in work. Me and my homegirl joke that he would've had me butt naked in Miami with a blond wig babysitting kids (basically crazy). Needless to say that we spoke less often and eventually drifted apart. He was one of the good ones though, at the surface of course. lol.

Thanks for reading :)

New Year, New Ish

2008-12-22T15:02:00.002-05:00

As the year quickly comes to a close, I have spent lots of time thinking and reflecting on the approaching year. I am not one for making resolutions, I just live my life the best way I know how. I keep my goals really small so that I can actually see them realized, but now it's time for me to dream big. I, like many people I know have the tendency to experience some doubt. I feel like I am my own worst critic. The crazy thing about doubt is, you're the only one impeding progress. No one else is. The obstacles that you may see, aren't really there.

Over the year I've talked about things that I've been working on, not explicitly, but I have alluded to what I want and need to do so that I can be a better person. And for the most part I've been pretty attentive to those goals. My main goal for 09 is to start and finish. Give things my all, not to say that I haven't before, I just need to make sure that I maintain my focus. Easier said than done, but I can admit that I have ADD and I change my mind or lose interest fast. I find that this is the case when I am forced to do something that my soul is not fully into. I am a very passionate person and when I am motivated, I can't be stopped (with the exception of this blog, lol). I am determined to take 09 and beyond by storm. I won't say what I am working on but it's something huge (for me it is).

In the mean time (and in between time) I thank every SINGLE person that has ever visited my blog, lurked, commented, told a friend, critiqued all that. It is much appreciated.

What are your goals for 09 and beyond? It is just the beginning for us all.

Peace and many blessings.

I'm On My Old School ish

2008-12-05T12:46:00.002-05:00

Everyday I think of songs that I just love. Some new, many old. I love my old school. no real blog for now, but a song that I needed to hear today. Turning to Music Choice on those nights that I'm fighting sleep helps me to remember jams. This one, though is way before my time but it's a dope one nonetheless. Hand I have a bonus also.

Thanks for the love

Peace

War - Slipping Into Darkness

Faith, Hope and Charity - To Each His Own

"I don't know what's right for you, you don't know what's right for me...To Each His Own"

Long Time No See...

2008-12-02T16:18:00.002-05:00

"So I see you have a baby and a wife now"...That's how a civilized conversation would go if you saw someone that you hadn't seen in a while. Well instead of that happening, I ducked in the corner and hoped that he wouldn't see me. This story is quick and it made me reflect a little.

You ever see someone that you have a past with and they are with their new girl, wife, baby etc? Well that's what happened this morning. I was sitting on the D train reading my book, minding my business when he gets on with his wife and baby in tow. The last time that I saw him we were almost caught getting it on. I was at his house and we were about to get down until we heard the upstairs creaking and his mom call out his name (We were in our VERY early 20's). At the time, I was crushing on this guy for a while. We worked at the same store and I thought that he had mutual feelings too. Those feelings came into fruition when we got together the first and only time...Well at least I thought the feelings were mutual. I mean he did outright say that he was feeling the kid.

Back then, there were three of us, I was the only girl. We would sit, they would puff, I would get contact...good times lol. Well one night, the third party was MIA, so me and my crush hung out. One thing led to another and so forth. After that night a sista was REALLY feeling him. We were already friends so I thought that we would have a smooth transition. While I was crushing on dude, our other friend was crushing on me. I didn't know and didn't really care because it wasn't mutual. He tried to convince me up and down that the crush didn't care and would say "F that n__" when I protested to his come ons.

That was a few years ago. One day I thought about the crush and called our friend to see how he was doing. In that conversation I found out that he was married or about to get married and leading a different path. I was stunned. I mean marriage is huge and at the time he was about 23. That was pretty much the last that I heard of him, especially since every time I speak to the friend he's trying to push up.

When I saw him on the train this morning I felt like the air was being sucked out of me (sounds dramatic right?). Usually when I bump into an old love interest or "dealer" it's pretty civilized and they are still single. This time was different. I didn't want to say anything and get dissed and then have him explain to his wife later how we knew each other. So I sunk lower in my seat and kept my head down pretending to read my book. I don't think that he saw me because I ducked as soon as he stepped on the train. To make matters worse, he ended up standing DIRECTLY in front of me (back facing me). He even grazed me kind of with his coat. I really wanted to say hi and be civil, it was a cute day afterall. But it would have been too awkward. And I do not do awkward. When my stop came, I got out of dodge quick fast, took a breath, shook my head and went downstairs to wait for the next train. And that's all she wrote... Until next time.

Thanks for reading

:)

I'm Negative

2008-12-01T10:12:00.004-05:00

Do you know your status? I know many of you are aware that today is World AIDS Day so if you don't know your status, I suggest that you find that out quick, fast and in a hurry. If you've ever been tested then you know that the relief that you feel once you know your status is wonderful. You go in nervous, thinking about that one time you slipped up and enjoyed a night of the RAW. It happens and I will not say that I haven't succumbed to that feeling a time or two before. But I do know that when it happens, I can't look at myself in the mirror with the same eyes. I know that I put myself in danger, but at the time you don't think about it. You get hypnotized and say yes to almost anything... or maybe that's just me - unlikely.

Below is a story that I rarely tell.

The saddest thing about this disease is that it is killing people that look like me DAILY. Yes some people that are diagnosed go on to live happy and healthy lives, on the surface of course. People don't think that it can happen to them. But um, newsflash, WE ARE NOT INVINCIBLE!

The hardest thing that I had to deal with was finding out a very close relative of mine was diagnosed. This is when people thought that only gays or drug users got the disease. I was in JHS. We got a phone call that he was in the hospital. Now, he was a big man, close to 300lbs. I will never forget the day we went to the hospital to visit. They told us he had Pneumonia. When we went to see him, he wasn't even half the man that he once was. There were so many machines attached to him. I was 12 and in all those years, I never saw my mother drop to her knees in tears. It was too much for both of us. As the months progressed, he didn't get any better. My grandmother took care of him as best as he could. I even got to spend some time with him when me and my mother were going through our preteen era of "I'm not listening." I remember that because he gave me money everyday for lunch and a cab from the BX to Harlem. He was still the same and he loved Queen Latifah's "U.N.I.T.Y.". He would play it everyday and I can't hear that song without thinking of him. My mom can't hear Sade's "Maureen" without thinking of him and crying.

When we found out about the disease, I wouldn't say that we were under the mindset that Black, Heterosexual men didn't get the sickness. But we didn't think that HE would get it. Not that he was an angel. He was far from it. But he was our family. My mother told me to "Keep my legs closed" and if I did, to "WRAP it up." We had these conversations early.

Then September of the next year came. He was admitted to the hospital for the last time. He died two days before my mother's birthday. The wake was on my cousin's birthday and the funeral was on my mom's. Going to the wake, was unbearable and seeing my big and grown uncle break down in tears was too much. Gone too soon. His children would never have their dad again and would barely remember him. I will never forget him. And I will love him forever. I can barely watch movies or programs without thinking about him.

My mother's brother, my uncle. Forever missed. R.I.P. Uncle Tony.

SO go get tested. I won't quote statistics but you all know that this disease is not to be F-ed with. Be in the know.

Thanks for reading.
God bless.

For more information:
http://www.worldaidscampaign.org/static/en/
http://www.hivtest.org/
http://www.gmhc.org/
http://unite.blogcatalog.com/

For my Uncle
Queen Latifah - Unity

Hey Girlfriend

2008-11-26T12:25:00.003-05:00

I met him in Cancun during a Memorial Weekend fest. It was my first time going to Cancun so I was excited. I didn't expect to see anyone that I knew during my time there but low and behold I went during a weekend that half of NYC was there, go figure. During my time there I saw too many people that I was either friends with, acquaintances, frenemies etc. It was crazy. On our first night there, me and my girls wanted to go to the main strip and see what was going on. We didn't buy tickets to any of the parties for that night so we just decided to go to a bar and get some drinks. First of all the spot that we went to hardly had any guys to talk about. And the guys that we did see were dancing VERY hard and tangalicious to Lil Mama's "Lipgloss." If anything, they were amusing as hell. They were big dudes too, lol. As the night grew later and the drinks began to take effect, I spotted a guy who was about 6'2", decent build, nice face etc. We started dancing, then the questions...

Him: So what do you do?
Me: I work in advertising (yea I know it's vague)
Him: Oh yea, me too
Me: (I give him a look like yea right mofo) Where?
Him: I work at _____
Me: STOP LYING! Me too... I never saw you there before
Him: I work in the union sq office
Me: WOW... (I'm in disbelief because I go all the way to Cancun and I not only meet someone from NY, but he works for my company)

That night we exchanged numbers and emails to keep in touch. During my stay I ran into him a couple of other times at various parties. One party in particular we got close...alcohol is a helluva drug. Vacation, drinks, club and music. Nothing happened though thank goodness.

When I got back home, I Googled him, found out a little about him. He was normal. SCORE!!!

That week, I hit him up and we hung out. Went on a couple of dates, conversations were so-so. He had this weird thing when he would say "Hey Girlfriend." Weird but good for laughs after everything.

Fast forward to a Sunday conversation...(Two dates in)

Him: So do you want to come to BK (to his house)
Me: Nah
Him: Oh, but you said before that you wouldn't mind
Me: No I don't mind going to BK, but I don't want to go to your house
Him: Oh ok, cool, let me call you back

So after that conversation, I figured we were cool. Up until that point he would treat a sista and that's always a good thing. He told me on the first date that I wouldn't have to come out of pocket, so I was good on that. When he called back this is how the conversation went.

Him: So do you want to go to a hotel in the city?
Me: Wha?
Him: Well since you didn't want to go to BK, I figured we could go somewhere closer to you.
Me: Why would I want to go to a hotel? What about the movies?
Him: Oh... well...ok. So no hotel
Me: Nah, I'm not ready for that.
Him: Oh ok, so umm can you pay for your ticket for the movie tonight?
Me: hmmmm.... Ok. No prob.

We met up, but I knew that would probably be the last time I saw him. We would chat every now and then on AIM but I felt the distance. Two weeks later I called him just to say what's up and he told me "I'm going through some things so I will be fading away" or some ish (it was a while ago so little things are fuzzy). I said, well ok. Take care. And that was it.

Thanks for reading.

Once a Year Mac and Cheese

2008-11-26T11:25:00.002-05:00

Funny title for a dish right? Well it's once a year mac and cheese because IT'S THAT SERIOUS. I like to toot my own horn on this one. When I first started making mac and cheese I made some mistakes, but with practice, I think er know that it's on point. The first time I made it was a Thanksgiving when my mother thought it would be fun to go to Atlantic City and left me to fend for myself lol. (I went to a cousin's house and I was 20 something, but still lol). When I go to anyone's house on a holiday, especially Thanksgiving, I like to have my own food at home. This particular year, I decided to make the mac and bake a chicken. I had some serious shoes to fill, because my mom is the best chef I know. I didn't have a recipe, but I watched her enough times to know what to do. I was determined. For my first try, it was SLAMMIN' (the mistakes came after lol). When my mother came home the next day she was surprised to see that I had dinner waiting for her. When she ate it, she was very pleased and my mother is HARD to please when it comes to most things so I knew that it was a job well done. Over the years, I've perfected this dish and it is very simple. Like I said previously, there was no recipe to follow, I just remembered the steps.

Once a Year Mac and Cheese

Ingredients
1. 3 Blocks of Cheddar Cheese (Cracker Barrel if it's on sale or Kraft)
2. 1 box of Elbows
3. 3 eggs
4. 1.5 cans of evaporated milk (you might want to eyeball this)
5. Seasoning: Lawry's, pepper
6. Butter (half a stick)
7. LOVE :)

Process
1. Boil the Elbows
2. Grate the cheese (I don't usually)
3. When noodles are done, drain and pour in baking dish or an aluminum pan (3 for $1.00 at 99 cent store lol)
4. Season the macaroni with the Lawry's and pepper. (the mac needs to cool down before you add egg mixture)
5. Add the butter
6. In separate bowl beat the eggs with the seasoning
7. Add the milk to the eggs and beat - sit to the side
8. Add the cheese to the macaroni and stir
9. Pour the egg mixture over the mac and cheese. This is to bind the ingredients together. You can add more milk if you want it to be creamier and loose when serving.
10. Put in a 345 degree preheated oven (I believe that it's at that temp)
11. Bake for 30-35 minutes or until you see the cheese melting. (You need to make sure that it doesn't burn so check on it)

When done, you should have a nice, cheesy, dish that you will love forever. Trust me.

Thanks for the love and enjoy your meals tomorrow. :)

Happy Gobble Gobble

2008-11-26T11:07:00.002-05:00

As we approach this holiday of thanks, I would like to send a special THANK YOU to everyone that has passed by my little blog. It's no easy feat trying to maintain a personal blog. And I appreciate the readers, browsers, followers, commenters etc. It means a lot. Now that I got that out of the way we can move on to the business at hand. In the spirit of this holiday, here is a small list of things to be thankful for.

1. LIFE - waking up facing this world is hard, but I have a joie de vie
2. The LOVE and SUPPORT of family and friends
3. The ability to show emotion and not be afraid to do so (being a Cancer is not so bad)
4. A Career and a Job - Nuff said.
5. My apt and a place to go if the inevitable were to happen
6. The ability to listen, talk and be heard
7. My radio show :) and my blog
8. Food (even Ramen noodles, they have saved me from starvation many a nights)
9. My eyesight, legs, hands, fingers, functional joints etc lol
10. My ability to love, dream and believe

Yea, Yea I know mushy but all of those things can be taken away in an instant so I am just grateful for everything. Amen

Have a Happy Thanksgiving

Cocoa Cooks!!!

2008-11-13T12:28:00.005-05:00

As many of you know I am addicted to reading blogs. There are so many out there and not enough hours in the day. As of late, I have spent lots of time on Twitter and on this community I have found some new blogs that have inspired me to do better. I won't promise that I will update daily, lol, that's a stretch. But I will be adding new elements that I think will help with the Cocoa brand.

For starters I would like to do a recipe of the week type thing. A key fact to know about me is I gets down in the kitchen and if I don't know how to make it, I can follow a recipe. I was a picky kid, and didn't like A LOT of dishes so I had to learn how to cook. I was also a latchkey kid which meant that I was home alone most nights which led me to spending a lot of time in the kitchen. I will admit that I am not the best at baking but I do make a mean sweet potato cheesecake (yum). When I was a child, I wanted to be a chef. I loved Julia Child and used to watch her all the time. Long story short, I nixed that plan when my first cake fell lol. But I still cook and love it. So starting with this blog I will begin posting MY recipes as well as recipes that I would like to try from different sites.

For my recipes I will keep it real, I don't measure so that means most things are approximated and are done by eye (sometimes you just know what's right). My specialty is mostly soul food but I'd like to live a longer life so I only eat it every once in a while, contrary to popular belief. I am also a serious one pot meal girl. I have yet to master the cooking for one skill, but I am working on it. The one pots help for those nights when I don't feel like cooking (yes it happens and I know that I am not the only one that feels that way).

Last night on Twitter an old friend was inquiring about dishes for an Italian inspired dinner party. One person mentioned a shrimp scampi. I love that dish and the first time I made it on my own, it was slammin' lol. The ironic thing about someone mentioning the scampi, was that I had just finished eating the last of my leftover shrimp/clam scampi situation. With ALL of that being said, the recipe:

Shrimp and Clam Scampi Situation
Ingredients
(I was on a budget at Whole Foods so this dish had few ingredients)
*1/4 or 1/2 LB of deveined and shelled shrimp (fresh or frozen)
*Depending on your like or dislike of clams any amount is fine-
I used 7 (low budget lol)
*About a half an onion - diced
*Teaspoon of minced/chopped garlic (you can add more if you really like garlic)
*Handful of parsley
*About 1 cup of Cooking wine or a nice white wine that you would drink by itself
*About 2 cups of water (I used a coffee mug and I remember counting for moments such as this)
*Seasoning: I use Lawry's for most things, basil, oregano, garlic powder, cayenne pepper (I like spicy food), and of course black pepper - You should be using a little more than a pinch of Lawry's
*2 tablespoons of Olive Oil (enough to cover your pan)
*Pasta of your choice (I love Linguini or Cavatappi)

Process
1. Make sure you Soak the clams thoroughly to get the grit and sand from the shell.
2. Clean and soak your shrimp in cold water. DO NOT use hot water, because you will cook the shrimp.
3. Chop your onions, garlic and parsley.
4. Heat your olive oil
5. Boil your water w/ very little salt - for Pasta
6. Add the onions to the hot oil (be careful of popping), you are not browning the onions, just letting them sweat a little to get tender
7. Add the garlic and then the parsley
8. MAKE SURE YOU KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE PAN AND STIR
9. Water should be at a boil so add your pasta
9. Add the seasoning. It will look a little like a paste. Stir
10. Add your wine ad stir- let this steam a little to build the flavors up
11. Add the water and bring it to a boil then back down to a low simmer
12. Add your CLEAN clams to the mix - If you have any open or broken clams, throw them out because they are no good. Your clams should be closed before you put them in the pan.
13. Let them sit for about 10 minutes, but keep your eye on the pan
14. Once the clams are open, add your shrimp.
15. Once the shrimp turn pink the scampi is done. You do not want to over cook the shrimp or else they will be hard and tough and you do not want that.
16. Drain your pasta
17. BON APPETIT!

It might seem like a lot of steps but the process in all takes about 20-25 minutes.

Oh and since this is the first time I actually wrote out a recipe be kind in regards to my process lol.

Thanks for checking this out. Tell a friend to tell a friend.

Peace

My President is Black!

2008-11-05T11:40:00.005-05:00

My mom shed a tear this morning. Our new greeting has been Obama instead of Hello. This is the day that the Lord has made and as an AMERICAN who happens to be Black I am jubilant and filled with a new found respect for this country. They said that it couldn't be done and that America wasn't ready for a Black president. Well it looks like we are. America is a changing. Little Black boys and girls can now look at this moment in time and say YES I CAN because Obama has done what no black person has done before, made it to the highest office in the land. I have the silliest grin on my face and bags under my eyes from all the tears. Yes he did make it happen so that anyone can hope and make their dreams come true. No more excuses. My little brother is now living in Nigeria with his dad and he is proud of what America is doing. He is the brightest 10 year old that I know. When he was home he would say, "I don't want Obama to win because I want to be the first President," well little brother Obama did it and you can be proud.

My election night was one that I will remember FOREVER. It started off as a night of nerves and knots. I was anxious and couldn't focus on anything. When the polls began to close, the anxiety began to tear me up. We sat for dinner and drinks because we figured we would either be celebrating from the win or angry at the prospect of another season of Bushisms. As the evening progressed and Obama remained in the lead, my anxiety began to wane. We knew the states that he wouldn't win but then there were the swing states that could go either way. When Obama won Pennsylvania the crowd got excited. My excitement was subdued until CNN projected that Obama won Ohio. I knew then that this was really happening. About an hour later Obama was in the lead 207-85 (?). At this point, my homegirl and I decide to head to Harlem. We put our jackets on, next thing you know Obama is at 297-138 (?). CNN projects Obama as the President Elect. The crowd went crazy and the screams that were building inside came out. I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT! He really did it. All that I could think about was my little brother. I wished that he were here to share this moment with us. History in the making. By this time we head up to Harlem. I felt the strongest urge to be with my people on this joyous occasion. The energy was magnetic and I am still pinching myself from all the excitement. For all the naysayers that thought that Obama wouldn't win, well shame on you. I believed from the moment he decided to run.

At this moment I am pleased. This new road will be bumpy and now that he is in office, he has a lot of work to do. The country and the world is ready for change. So in the words of our new fearless leader - YES WE CAN!

GEORGE CLINTON - PAINT THE WHITE HOUSE BLACK!

Recession Cramps

2008-10-30T11:32:00.002-04:00

I almost choked these two biyatches last night.
Here is a story of a night filled with cramps. I won't be graphic, but my ladies most definitely know where I am coming from.

I went to bed at 9:30 pm last night. The earliest that I've attempted to go to bed in a long time. Then something happened. I woke up at 12:31am to the worst possible cramps EVER. I mean, these joints right here are NO JOKE. Did Eve really do Adam that wrong? I'm sure if she would have known about the circumstances she would not have bit the apple. (For guys, imagine that someone knee'd you in your balls 10 times with steel plated knee pads) I feel like there is someone or something in my stomach squeezing my ovaries. Enough of the image, just want you to really understand how I am feeling.

So after rocking for what feels like an hour, I manage to put on my sweats and sneakers and head out in the freezing ass cold to get some much needed medication. Since I didn't have any cash I had to rob my C bank. It has my emergency coinage. Mostly there's pennies, but I had some silver also. I counted out two dollars in dimes, stuffed them in my pocket and rolled to a store. It was late so I didn't know what was open. Usually when I am smacked with the cramps it's at 5am and I know that there is no way I'm leaving my house. I get outside and thankfully the store on the corner has the window open to take customers. I approach and here is where there was almost a casualty with two young girls that decided to get their munchies at that given time. These girls were seriously about to feel the wrath of my recession cramps. These broads were at the window for the longest 10 minutes ever ordering snacks. Mind you I am pacing behind them planning my mode of attack. There was a pitbull outside, I swear if they would've taken a moment longer I would have sicked him on them.

Yes IT was that serious. I finally get to the window and I am delirious with excitement to find that the Aleve packets are .50 cent each. Oh yes, GIVE ME FOUR PACKS, I gave him my 20 dimes and rolled out.

I don't wish this on anyone...yea right I wish that for at least two months any of the males that I talked about in the past week could experience the debilitating effect of cramps on a recession. I'm typing this as I wait for the meds to kick in. It's 1:30 am and I have to wake up in five hours. This can't be good for anyone.

I eventually managed to find a home in a bathtub filled with hot water. I figured I'm much more at home in the water. I ended up falling asleep at 3:30 am. Oh what a night.

Thanks for reading.

Oh and remember this:
(I'm Gonna Get You Sucka)

Or This:

Dishonorable Mention

2008-10-29T10:46:00.003-04:00

I met him on a night out. My home girl and I were headed to Union Sq and he was the bus driver. Not normally what I find when I am out, but I figured that he couldn't be worse than the dudes that I meet on other occasions. A job is pretty much a job as long as it's legal. Add benefits and we have a near winner. We flirt back and forth so when I am get off the bus, I hand him my card. A couple of days go by, then he comes around to calling. He's cool. Good conversation and he was HONEST. He told me everything which is a plus, because I like to know what I am getting into before jumping in. I like to make my own decisions. During the course of the conversation we begin to ask the important questions, girlfriend, wife, homo tendencies etc. But I believe the conversation went like this:

Me: So who do you live with? (They always ask me, so why not ask him)
Him: Well my mom is staying with me (In my mind I'm saying YEA Right, not that it's a problem for a thirty something year old man...)
Me: Mmmmk
Him: So who you live with?
Me: Dolo, so do you have a girlfriend?
Him: Yes.

At this point I'm thinking, why the hell are you trying to holla at me. Somehow he ends up telling me that his girlfriend lives with him. Now I have to ask, "Well why are you trying to holla at me?" His response is "You seem like a cool person, we can be friends." I don't really believe that men and women can be friends, this only works if there is NO attraction there. After he tells me all of this, I end the conversation. I mean really there isn't much to talk about right? He doesn't get it, so he calls me the next day and asks me out to dinner. I don't turn down free dinner and I hadn't been treated to dinner in a long time. He set it up kind of like a real date. He picked me up from my house, opened the car door, was a decent gentleman. We end up in Yonkers, and have a pretty decent time at a Japanese steakhouse. He could barely keep his hands off of me, but I did manage to give him the strong arm for the most part. On the drive home I somehow have his phone in my possession. I look for my number, it's not saved, no biggie. Then he shows me a text from some chick and her name is saved as Bus 2. (Apparently he meets women on buses and that's how he gets them. Turns out that Bus 1 was a stalker. I suppose if I would have been saved, I would be Bus 3. Who knows?) The messages were very freaky so I asked "Is this your sidechick?" He says yes. I am flabbergasted. "You mean to tell me that you have a girlfriend, that you live with AND a side chick?" "Where do I fit in this equation?" UNBELIEVABLE!

Funny thing is I wasn't even upset. LOL. I cracked up and shook my head because I was so used to the BS that guys spewed. And why be mad, he was honest right? If I were another type of woman, I probably would have said "To hell with it" and had him as my side piece for those nights that I didn't feel like cooking. I know that he wanted more but his hands were full. As I type this blog, my mind wanders to a Katt Williams sketch, where he talks about women saying that men ain't ___ and how it's not every man, just the men you know. I don't believe that ALLL men are F.O.S. but I do know that many of them are. I've been lucky for the most part, because I have heard and read about some HORROR stories. I guess it could be a lot worse.

That's all for now. Thanks for reading.

Peep the video here: